If I had wrote this post "say an hour ago". I really wouldn't be calm.

I "rarely" show it when I am upset. I hold things in alot. You may not believe from my blogs, but that's really me. I have that personality they say is the worst. I hold chit it.. but when I "blow" not really much that can stop me.

I guess I am upset about all the "little" things in life. Maybe those that "aren't really important", but to me they are.

Her kids: Ya know, I try and try. I try to be this "awesome cool stepdad". Most of the time, they will say I am. However, I just ask some "simple things". Take out the garbage, listen to your mom (so I don't have to hear her bitch). Basically, I just want ALL things working "cool" here. They aren't. They "fret" and complain. Not much gets done.

I could be a "dick" at any moment. Trust me, I have a skill here.. lol. Turning into a major "dickhead" is something I can do in a heartbeat. I just don't want to.

Instead of being a "dick", I buy her kids all sorts of chit. Sure, they help on some things. Just not the "major" we need. I go to work... I may pull in $1000 for the day. I'll save a little out for beer, child support. Things like that. I buy nothing for me tho really.

The thing is.. they are "15 and 17" now. They have had everything handed to them forever. Neither of them has a major skill, nether of them has "worth ethics". I honestly feel. Both will be "burger flippers" at "McDonalds" all their lives.

I SO want to tell them about "life" I try. Right now, it's just a "game" to them or something. I have major skills, and life to me is "still" super hard. Theirs will be way harder.

Despite what I write here. Both like me "alot". I like them too. I get on their "case" at times, but often I don't. I'm trying to balance this "new stepdad thing, with what I know they need". If you don't think this is "hard" give it a "try sometime"!

Don't "learn" from my "example" (I'll tell anyone). Learn from what I tell you of my experience.

Flat out and simple. Neither of her kids will be going to "college". We can't pay for it. Stephen is "17" now. His grades are "D's and E's". Jeremy is in the same boat (he's 15). Neither are "stupid", but both are in the "sense" they don't care. Someday, they will.

At this point, what can I do? You tell me! I see the "writing on the wall" and they aren't even my kids..

Gary