Some bloggers don't believe in talking about really personal stuff on their blogs, which is their choice. Personally, I don't have anyone else to talk with about good times or bad times. You are my friends and my family. You are the ones who listen and respond. So here goes this morning's blog and it isn't good.

As some of you know, or have guessed, my marriage is very shaky right now. No, we aren't having big fights and I'm not even sure JR knows there is a problem. I've tried to mention some things that are bothering me, but he just shuts down and the conversation is over. Of course, that is the way most conversations go around here. In fact, that is the biggest problem in this marriage. We don't have any common ground and so conversation is non-existent.

The only subjects we talk about are ranching and trucking. Once-in-a-great-while, we will stumble across something to say to one another, but it is always short lived. Most conversations are pretty one sided with JR bemoaning how everything hasn't gone the way he expected on this ranch, or his rantings about how badly the trucking industry is right now, or this lemon truck of ours. Then there are his continual rantings concerning politics and how the nation is such a mess. IT IS ALL NEGATIVE STUFF !!!!!

Being a person who tends toward depression, all of this negativity isn't good for me. I just crash. This morning he calls and the conversation lasts maybe five minutes and by that time.... I have sunk in to a deep hole. This isn't good.

He daily calls me with a list of "things I need to do." Actually, he is a nag. Usually that term gets reserved for wives, but I am not a nag and that just isn't my view, that is fact. I don't call him daily and tell him what he needs to do. Once-in-awhile, I will remind him that he should call one of his children, but that is the end of it.

Ohhhhhh.... I could go on and on, but what good would it do. I think I've probably said more than enough. I'm just heartbroken at how things are going here.

Please don't tell me to see a counselor, I don't know any good ones in the area and besides, he needs to see a counselor more than me. The last marriage, I saw a counselor for years and years and the ex wouldn't consider it. And... the marriage failed.

Okay, I need to refocus and get on with this day, even though I feel more like crawling in a hole and pulling the opening in over my head.

Sorry about another "down" post.

Annie :o(
p.s. He isn't interested in sex and hasn't been for several years. We "made love" once, maybe twice, last year. :o(