When hubby and I were misplaced nomads, we found this lovely Best Western in Paducah. We had checked in and was going to our room when we encounted a couple just arriving from Flordia. The lady was having trouble getting into the entrance of the motel, for the door required a room key. I helped her while her husband was digging in the loaded backseat looking for some luggage. For some reason I remained with her since her body language was calling out for some support. When her husband appeared, he seemed personable enough. He talked about the long drive from Flordia to Paducah and how tiring it had been. I directed them to their room and stopped to get a soda. I heard him belittling her--his tone of voice was so harsh. I hurried to lend a hand, for I thought that his behavior was directly related to his lack of rest. After I arrived, the triade continued. No matter what the lady did it wasn't good enough. He sighed, gave her dirty looks, harrangued her repeatedly. I was sick to my stomach! I took a very long look at the lady. She was lovely, well dressed, groomed impeccably, but she had this look of quiet desperation on her face. I knew at that moment that his behavior had absolutely nothing to do with his tiring trip, but related directly to his lack of respect and his bully the weaker sex attitude. My heart broke at that moment for the poor lady who had to suffer daily from his abuse. I returned to my room in tears to be held by my wonderful, sensitive hubby. I cuddled to him as a child to find comfort. I told him of my experience with the Flordia couple. He shook his head, patted me, but what could he do. He couldn't go and punch the big bad bully in the nose, could he? But that is exactly what I wanted him to do. I wanted to save the lady, to end her daily torment.

Spouse abuse is a very serious form of exploitation that will excalate when left untreated. There is a cycle of violence that often begins with a pattern of verbal abuse and intensifies until it manifests itself as a form of physical abuse. Verbal abuse is perhaps more sinister than overt physical abuse. Long after the black and blue bruises and broken bones from physical abuse heal, verval abuse continues to silently erode its victim's self-worth.

The classic abuser conveys a message to his victim that she is responsible for his negative behaviors: that she is a failure in most of all of the roles that she is fulfilling, and that, apart from him, she is helpless. Victims of abuse eventually come to believe that they are powerless and objects of shame.

Spousal abuse is a pattern of behavior that may be the result of a number of different factors. It may be a learned behavior that a child observes occurring between parents and later repeats in his adult relationships. Studies show that abusers are often motivated by feelings of powerlessness and insecurity. Spouse abuse inflates the ego and provides a false sense of control. It may be the result of a misguided sense of love that results in unhealthy possessiveness and/or jealousy.

Whatever the reasons, there is no justification in submitting another human being to this kind of behavior. The results are too destructive to the well being of the spouse and the children. I was in two abusive relationships and know well the damages that are inflicted. Our prisons have many who had finally said enough is enough and destroyed the destroyer. Why are they in prison? Haven't they already served their sentence?