Today is my dad's birthday so it seems like a good time to remember some things about him.

My dad died on a foggy morning in April 2002 when he flew his Cessna into an electric power plant in Amarillo, Texas. He would have been 78 years old that coming Halloween and we were grateful that he was so active at his age and died doing something he enjoyed. His wife was there with him, and her family felt the same way.

During all the time I was working on settling my dad's affairs: canceling his phone service, closing out bank accounts, selling real estate, I became him and followed the paths he had set up in advance with estate planning and little notes to himself or to me like: "cash this in, it should be worth something" on an equity certificate from a credit union.

Since then I have moved into his house and made it mine. We never cleaned it out or redecorated, but there have been some small changes and I have stopped worrying about what he would think of this or that modification.

I used to feel my dad's presence here around this time of year as I went about my activities, almost nagging at me, and I would say 'I know, I know, I'll get to it.' Although I couldn't tell you exactly what it was about, it seemed to be along the lines of 'Do you appreciate this place and this time of year?' I didn't have that feeling this year, and I think it is because it is becoming my home and not his.

Several months after the plane crash I had what I think of as the survivor's dream because my stepmother's son had a similar dream, I found out later. We both dreamt that our deceased parent told us everything is okay and they aren't really dead, so don't worry.

In my case, my husband and I were picking them up at the airport, and my dad was saying that although he'd crashed the plane they didn't die. I didn't see Phyllis - she was beyond some doors, but he said she was right behind him. So don't worry, they are fine and happy. My husband and I went to bring the car around and that was the last I saw of him.

Phyllis's son's dream was that he was in a store and she came in the door. She showed him a protective amulet that she was wearing, and said my dad was waiting out in the car and he also had an amulet, so don't worry about them, they are fine and happy.

After my mother died of ovarian cancer in 1986 I had dreams of our whole family (without the second wife Phyllis) going on car trips together and being happier than we were in real life. I still have dreams with my mother in them, but I don't dream about my dad so much.

There was a fishing guide who fished on our property quite a bit, and last year he died of a heart attack at age 50. His spirit was up here the day before his funeral, walking around, but I haven't felt it again after that one time, which I think lends credence to my sense of his presence that time, because if we could wish it into happening, it is just a manifestation of our internal wish.

There aren't any ghosts up here, although there could have been, including another fisherman five years ago who was crushed by a boulder on the riverbank behind our house. I don't wish for ghosts, I'm content with the occasional memory visits.