Talking about funerals with a friend today, she said she envies those fun-looking New Orleans funerals as opposed to the big ordeal she just went through to bury her father. I told her the grass is greener - family funerals look easy from outside the family.

Here are the highlights of her story:

The 92 year-old widow, her youngest son (63), his pushy daughter, with my friend Princess at the wheel drove three days (1236 miles one way) up and back from the Fort Lauderdale, FL area to Wabash, Indiana to bury the dad's ashes. The ashes were sent up separately in case you wondered if there was room in the car.

The 63 year-old guy had just been through a course of chemo, and his doctor advised him not to make the trip. Unfortunately, the doctor said 'you shouldn't fly up to Indiana' so this guy interpreted it to mean it was okay to ride all that way in a car. It didn't kill him (yet) so I guess it worked out.

The widow was a real door-mat all her life, and never had a credit card in her name, so not long after they started out, they found out the deceased's credit card was cancelled when he died. So my friend had to pay for everything - gas, meals, lodging - on her own card and her mother doesn't intend to pay her back.

Their first night on the road the widow rented just one room for the four of them. Princess shared a bed with her mother, and the 63 year-old guy shared a bed with his 32-year old daughter. The grandma saw nothing wrong with this, but Princess thought it was horrible. I forgot to ask what happened the other 5 nights.

The mother was counting every penny (even though they are well-off), so there was a big discussion about every element of the funeral service including a protective vault to hold the box of ashes. She didn't want one until they told her the wooden box would disintegrate underground.

One complication was that they were going to bury the beloved cat's ashes with those of the deceased (Daisy died of old age a few weeks earlier, and they blame the old guy's death on the passing of his dear kitty cat.) These ashes were in a separate wooden box and they had to figure out how to get them into the little vault, but fortunately they both fit.

The mother didn't want to spring for a funeral lunch even though there were people driving from quite a distance to attend the funeral. They finally talked her into it, but she said she wasn't paying a cent over $240. One of the granddaughters had to pay the additional $100.

About 40 people came to the memorial service and lunch. It sounds like they all had a good time visiting and getting caught up.

My friend was fed up with her car-mates because they turned it into a family pilgrimage, stopping at all the former family homes, knocking on the doors, and asking for a home tour. Including Grandma in her Depends looking for the bathroom at every stop. Turns out Princess is not very sentimental. She says that memories are in our head, not in some old house sold out of the family decades ago.

Then, back into the Buick for the long ride back to south Florida.

My poor friend went down there from Colorado thinking her dad was just going to be in the hospital for a few days, but he went ahead and died, so she didn't get home for five weeks.

We agreed that at age 93, he lived a good long life, and checked out gracefully because he got around fairly well, went out to dinner the night before he went into the hospital, and was only sick about 4 days - long enough to tell everyone goodbye, and then adios.