My last rental guests of the season showed up yesterday, three very nice, professional-looking 60-or-so-year-old men from Kansas who are here to fish. The one who booked the reservation is an attorney in Lawrence. I expected him to be younger and more lawyer-like (arrogant? flashy?), but he seems very nice and understated.

The most interesting one of the three is the one named Gary. I don't know what he does for a living, but he is one of the most numb-nuts men who can afford to fish here that I have met in a long time, maybe ever.

My initial thought was that he is directionally challenged. I was describing the best fishing holes on our river to them, and he pipes up: "So the best way to get to the river is to get in the car and drive there?" (It's 30 feet from where we were standing and they had just driven across it.)

Then, when I was showing them around the cabin where they'll be staying, he would say things like "And where is the door we came in?" (5 feet behind you.)

More examples:
And where are sheets for the futon? (Sitting on it in plain sight on the futon.)

There are no closets. (One bedroom has a real built-in closet, the other has an antique wardrobe.)


This morning he called three times between 7 am and 8:30:

1. Where are the extra towels? (In the white cabinet standing in plain sight in the laundry room between the bedroom and bathroom.)

2. Are there any trash bags? (On the counter behind the door, a large roll of them, right next to the spare paper towels and other paper supplies.)

3. What is the exact sequence for using the DVD player? (Turn on the DVD player. Turn on the TV. Hit the Aux button on the remote. Do you want me to come over there?) Now get this, he replied: "No, it's playing right now, I just don't know how I got it to work." I can understand that concept, but I don't think I'd be phoning people to ask that kind of question.

There was a lot more of these questions and not only directed to me. He had a lot to tell his buddies about how easy it is to fall into the river and ruin your day, how they might get separated on the river, and maybe he didn't bring enough cash.

I have some questions of my own:

1. What kind of job does this man have? He's obviously had a successful career doing something, must be something where ditziness is rewarded.

2. How well did these other guys know him before this trip? And how many minutes into it did they figure out he's irritatingly unobservant.

3. Is he married?

I realize that many married men come off sort of helpless as to domestic matters because their wives take care of life's little details for them, but this man's naivety seems to go beyond household survival to everyday living. I fully expect him to get lost out in front of our house. I just hope he's not accident-prone.

Here's my sexist remark: I have noticed that many men have a huge tolerance for people who are irritating as hell, as in the case of women on car trips who just won't shut up. The man just sucks it up and keeps on driving, probably tuning it out. But women (me and I've heard reports from others) can be just driven to distraction by this harping and carrying on and it's all we can do to not just yell out 'Shut the hell up, just shut up!" Maybe if I'd raised some children that would have been good training. I really admire men for that quality.