There's all these thoughts going on in my head but I can't figure out how to get any of them into a cohesive entry. Things ranging from religion to health issues to marital bliss.

There's a song by Rich Mullins called "Creed" and a line in it that says "I believe what I believe is what makes me who I am." It keeps running through my head. I know what I believe-the core things I believe but I get lost sometimes in all the gray areas. It's something I spend a lot of time thinking about but I can't make it coherent enough to share with anyone yet.

They tell you after surgery your child will often by clingy for awhile. Well, M has been clingy ever since J and I got married. You add in the surgery and I haven't been away from her side for more than 10 minutes while she's awake since Monday. My mom has come over to spend time with her but even then she usually wants me in the same room. Right now I want a week-long vacation all by myself. I want to sleep in a king size bed with lots of pillows and nothing else. I want to eat what I want without having to prepare it. And spend my days doing whatever I want-shopping, sleeping, crafting. Ahh, the joy.

I also would like to figure out how to take two wonderful men and make them into the one perfect man. I'm married to a man who truly wants to make me happy. He loves me for me. He's home everday when he says he will be. Honest as the day is long. My life is pretty close to the white picket fence dream. (Okay, chain link fence, but you get the picture!) But I'm not sure he really gets who I am...and I'm not sure he ever will. Then there's this other guy-who gets me. Who knows I have this huge bitchy side. Who matches wits with me. There wouldn't ever have been a white picket fence though. I just wish there was a way to clone the best pieces of each.