So my nephew just called me - the first time in almost three weeks. I asked if he was glad to be home (he was staying with family friends for the past two weeks) and he said yes. He then told me he met someone.

"I had intercourse."

I sort of chuckled because A) I wasn't expecting him to just blurt this out to me and B) he said "intercourse" and that was just weird. He's 16, remember.

"I'm sorry," he continued. "But you know I tell you everything."

Ah the joys of being a super aunt.


I asked if he was at least careful and he said he was and then proceeded to tell me she's kind of young...14. Ay ya ya. I asked if it was her first time (remember, the boy has had more sexual partners in his 16 years then in my 30+!) and he said no. He told me they did it outiside and it was his first time outside.... "Well, my first time
in the grass." I had no idea WTF that meant and didn't ask but I did ask if he was just out in plain sight and he said that they were in the bushes.

Fantastic.

Oh and when I asked if she was a virgin, he remarked that he doesn't "do" virgins, that "they're too messy."

Beautiful.

Once we moved past the sexual activity, he talked of his tattoo. At 16. Of a bull with RIP and a dead kids' name. At 16. Of a dead kid who was the hugest pothead in town. A tattoo. On his arm. Forever.

Glorious.

Eventually I moved the conversation onto his therapy and meds (he's had pot once since being out of the mental/behavioral joint, and alcohol last night)... he was supposed to go to therapy "Monday or Tuesday but mom had to cancel cuz I wasn't home yet."

Outstanding.