It's funny sometimes how things play out... earlier in the week I was beginning to feel like I couldn't really positively impact my nephew anymore and was *this close* to turning in my aunt card for a while when I heard a song (see previous post) that made me reconsider.

Then the next day (yesterday), I received this message in my Myspace Inbox (it's from Jordan's sister who is biologically not my brother's child - remember, my brother is Jordan's dad):

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: "Sissy"
Date: May 1, 2008 9:15 PM


Hey im sorry if my last message offended u at all but its just how i feel. i will never forgive nor forget the day that your brother slammed the door in my face and walked out on my life forever, and now hes done it to his own flesh and blood. whether he likes it or not jordan is his son, no matter how many mistakes he makes or how much trouble he gets into. As far as im concerned your brother is a coward he cant handle when shit gets rough he always runs and hides. How did he feel when your father wasnt around?? jordan is in the time of his life that he needs everyone. your not just wasting ur breath when u talk to him he listens to every word, he may not acted upon it right now but he will. i just cant understand y his father gave up on him and just up and left. got married and now prolly treats her kids better then he ever did his own. and im sorry if this comes off as an attak but u were always easy to talk to. so please write me back and relay the message to your brother if u like. and please dont give up on jordan.

love u :o)
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When I first got the message I was taken aback a bit. The original message she sent that she's referring to regards to offending me was nothing really - just a little note thanking me for saying Hi to her and I think there was a little dig toward my brother but there wasn't anything offensive, really.

A bit of background before revealing my response to her:

"Sissy" is nearly 21 and was the one I was most worried about. See when my brother and Sissy's mom split, the mom took off without either of her children, coming by to take them for ice cream or to the park once or twice a month. Sissy was 9, Jordan was 4 at the time. Sissy would be on the phone every night crying to her mother to pick her up and let her move with her, but her mother wouldn't have it, telling her that her "dad" could take better care of her - true story! Sissy was miserable and we didn't know what to do about it. We tried comforting her and treated her no different than we did Jordan. (I was living with them so that my brother could continue working his job without too much disruption.) We never once said anything negative about their mother and tried telling them that things were better this way because they could keep all their friends and go to the same school, etc. We encouraged both children to call their mom whenever they wanted - and Sissy did this every single day and night.

My brother and their mother ended up going through mediation and finalizing their divorce. And per the agreement, both children would reside with my brother with their mom getting visitation every other weekend. But because the children were having such a difficult time with it all, my brother allowed for the mother to see them basically whenever she wanted which was about every other weekend.

About 6 months after the divorce on one summer Sunday night, the mother was returning the children home and both children were in a foul mood and not wanting to come into the home. The mom, who was not allowed to come to the door (law of protection or something - she was a bit melodramatic at times), was screaming from the end of the driveway telling the kids stupid things to say and do. My brother tried getting the children to come into the house and threatened to call the police on the mom if she didn't leave. The kids were screaming and crying, the mom was screaming and then got out of her car and started walking toward the door to the house. My brother slammed the door shut (he's a wimp, yes) to avoid contact with the mother. Jordan happened to be in the house at that time, Sissy and the mother were outside. Screaming and cussing ensued through the closed door. My brother yelled for me to call the police. The mother started threatening me so rather than call the police I stupidly flew past my brother and little Jordan and outside and, in front of Sissy specifically, started physically fighting with their mom. My eyes then met Sissy's eyes and I could see the utter terror in the then 10-year-old eyes. I pulled away and told the mom to just leave. She kept coming after me and I kept backing away telling her to leave, while looking at Sissy who had a look that a 10 year old should *never* have. I screamed for my brother to call the police and kept dancing around the driveway with my ex-sister-in-law until the cops showed up.

Neither of us pressed charges against the other but per the cops instructions, he suggested the children either be allowed to go live with the mom for two weeks or children services would be called and the children would be placed outside of the parents home. My brother let the children go for the two weeks. Sissy came inside the house (for the last time) and gathered some stuff for her and Jordan and left. My brother sat at the kitchen table and literally cried for about an hour.

At the end of their extended visit with the mother, only Jordan was brought back home. There was no sign of Sissy. The police were involved once again, but said there was nothing they could do since she was in the custody of one of the parents. Meanwhile Jordan constantly asked why he couldn't be with Sissy and why I made his mom have marks on her face and neck. (I was able to tell him how sorry I was that I did that and that what I did was wrong, but I was never able to say sorry to the little person who witnessed it all first hand - Sissy. And that's something that has always stayed with me. Because while the mother truly deserved to get beaten down even worse, the fact that it happened in front of her baby girl is something I will never forgive myself for doing.)

The next month the divorce was reopened and the paperwork was changed to reflect that my brother was not the biological father of Sissy which is why Sissy would reside with the mother and Jordan would reside with the father. My brother would've been allowed visitation with Sissy, but the mother insisted it be a "supervised visitation" so my brother just told them he didn't want visitation.

__________________________________________________________

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: "MrsStu"
Date: May 2, 2008 9:28 AM

Sissy, you by NO MEANS offended me so don't worry about that - at all. I'm just so happy to be able to see you and know that all is well with you. I always would ask Jordan about you and NEVER stopped thinking of you. To me, you are still one of my nieces and blood or not, that will never change (why do you think I wanted you to come to my wedding?! yeah, I know I picked a bad day!). And Sissy, I can't even begin to tell you how incredibly PROUD I am of you for overcoming some very hideous times! So proud.

As for my brother... I'm at a complete and utter loss as to what to say. I don't say much to anyone about it anymore (other than to my husband) because it's pointless. I've learned that I cannot control anyone else's behavior and/or actions but my own.

The last time I spoke with Brother was the day Jordan was threatening suicide on his Myspace and the ONLY reason I called him was Jordan kept asking me if I did. Otherwise, it's been months (almost a year, actually) since I've last communicated with Brother. I just have nothing to say to him anymore. It's one thing for a person to be ignorant, but when that ignorance has an effect on a child, I draw the line and will not put up with it.

I don't think Jordan knows this - and I really would rather he NOT know this so please don't say anything to him - but Brother actually called me up a month before my wedding and said he wouldn't be coming because Jordan was going to be an usher. Sissy, I was absolutely mortified and hung up the phone and was perfectly fine with him not coming. I'm sorry but if ANY adult asks me to choose between them (the adult) and a child, I will ALWAYS choose the child. (He did obviously end up coming to the wedding but only because my father practically begged him to.)

I realize that Brother and I used to be very close; hell, I lived with him and Jordan for almost five years! But things have changed - and it's all changed because of his behavior toward Jordan recently.

You know, when Brother let you go and didn't contact you or anything, I chalked it up to it being too painful for him (contrary to what you believe *and have every right to believe*, Brother DID love you like you were his flesh and blood and I have to believe a part of him still does). Whether or not that is the case, I will never know because I've pretty much given up on understanding why he's done the things he's done.

Ack, it saddens me tremendously what has transpired over the past couple of years. I'm so sickened by it! On one hand I completely understand why he did the things he did with Jordan - at first. But two years later and the fact that he can't even pick up the blessed phone and call him absolutely repulses me. I understand why he called the police on Jordan and I don't blame him for doing so; I even understand why he tried taking the "tough love" approach with Jordan(I believe EVERYONE including Jordan will concur that Jordan was headed down a horribly destructive path). But the fact that he still won't even attempt contact with Jordan is absolutely disgusting to me and something I just can't understand!

I don't *hate* my brother but I do hate some of the things he's done and is doing. But I can't change it. All I can do is continue to do what I've always done - be there for "my kids" despite everyone else's ignorance and stupidity.

I worry a lot about Jordan, but all I can do is be here for him and try to direct him down a good path whenever we communicate. Like I always tell him, I don't care what he does to his appearance, I just care that he do good in life (and that starts with getting an education!). That's it. I want him to be happy and satisfied and make a positive impact on this world - the way he has with me and my life. (did you see I dedicated a song to him on my page - right hand side above the comments)

You both have been dealt a pretty crappy hand in life, truth be told; but you've proven you're strong enough to overcome it, and I know Jordan can, too!

And believe me, I will NEVER give up on that boy.

Sissy, thank you so much for writing to me and letting me know your thoughts. It means a lot to me - more than you know!

Take care of yourself and your brother (please try to get him to get back to school), and know that I am always here for you and Jordan. Always. Period. End of story. No questions asked.

Wow, so sorry for the novel!!

Love you,
Auntie Stu

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My point to posting this long ass novella, is that I got more validation that I should keep my aunt card and, more importantly, more validation proving that every adult should *never* give up on a child:

your not just wasting ur breath when u talk to him he listens to every word, he may not acted upon it right now but he will.