A Plan for Peace
1) The US
will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their
affairs, past & present. We will promise never to "interfere"
again.
2) We will
withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with
Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don't want us
there. We
would station troops at our borders. No more sneaking through holes in
the fence.
3) All illegal
aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and
leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder
will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where
they are. France
would welcome them.
4) All future
visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 day
visits unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation
would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself,
don't hide here. Asylum would not ever be available to anyone. We don't
need any more cab drivers.
5) No
"students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they
don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home, baby.
6) The US will make a
strong effort to become self sufficient energy
wise. This will include developing non polluting sources of energy but
will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The
caribou will have to cope for a while.
7) Offer Saudi Arabia
and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for
their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else.
8) If there is
a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we
will not "interfere". They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds,
rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them
gets "lost" or is taken by their army. The people who need it most
get
very little, anyway.
9) Ship the UN
Headquarters to an island some place. We don't need the
spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, it would make a good
homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.
9b) Use the
buildings as replacement for the twin towers.
10) All
Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one
can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. Now, ain't that a winner of
a
plan. "The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your poor, your
tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling,
'You want a piece of me?"