I met up with a friend last night for dinner. It was great hanging out with him again, the few times he’s not too busy. So we made plans to go to his favorite place, it’s this hole in the wall restaurant, but a really good place to eat at.

We decided to meet up at 7:30 p.m. after he got off work. I was 5 mintues late because I had to finish something up at home. I felt bad because he got there fifteen minutes earlier and was waiting for me. So we went in and got dinner, he ordered his usual dish, as did I.

Caught up on life a little, the funny thing about him is that we usually end up talking about video games, his family, and work. That’s about it, but sometimes we end up talking about more personal things, and that’s the best part (well I think) of talking to him.

I get to see what kind of person he really is when he opens up, it’s hard to do because he’s really private. But when he does, you get to see the true him, not this facade that exists.

We were talking and even though his birthday is months away, he wanted to go to Vegas with his girlfriend. I was kind of surprised because this would be the first time he would be with his girlfriend by themselves for longer than a day.

My initial thought was, “Are they going to have sex?” because they’ve been together for a while now. Whether they’ve done it or not I really don’t know. If they did, his girlfriend would have probably told her friends about, but he wouldn’t say anything to me lol.

I guess whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. But it was nice seeing and hanging out with him again. He had to wake up early the next day, so we called it a night.

Sometimes it feels like he’s in a rush because when we were leaving, it felt like all he wanted to do was leave. I’m thinking he was probably tired. As we walked outside and said our goodbyes, I was thinking of giving him a hug.

He say’s whenever I do this, it’s really gay … so maybe it is, so what? Can’t two guy’s hug without people thinking, “Oh that’s so gay of them”.

Anyways, there’s just one thing … part of me has been denying this for a long time. I’m not sure whether it’s real or not, but I have genuine feelings for him. In the sense that at times I see him more than just a friend. I know he’s straight, I mean come on … he has a girlfriend.

But if he were gay, I would actually date him. He’s really funny, really caring, and I just love him. It’s weird to be attracted (once again!) to a friend who’s straight, not sure if that makes sense or if anyone else experienced this too.

The funny thing is sometimes I feel jealous that he gets to hang out with his girlfriend more than me. How sad, huh? I’m doing my best to balance being just a friend and not crossing over the line of treating him as if he were my boyfriend.

He’s a cool guy to know and I’m really fortunate to have him in my life. Honestly whether we still know each other 5 or 10 years from now is up to both of us. I love him and he’s one of my closest friend. Too bad I might have a thing for him, haha.

Always with the straight guy’s with me, why can’t I ever like someone who’s actually gay. At least I've got Ryan (who is gay) to hang out with next month. Who knows, he might actually break me of my straight guy crushes.

Well off to bed because I’m crazy tired and exhausted from the week. Time to sleep in tomorrow, helllza yeah!