A couple of days ago, I was chatting with one of my closest friends online (well not really close after our conversation) and we were talking about our friendship and how he and I treat our friends differently.

Jim has a girlfriend. He’s been going out with her since last June. I’m happy for him because he’s not the type who would actually go out and find a girl. He would if you pushed him hard enough. He's a shy guy.

Ever since they started dating they’re constantly together. They’re practically joined at the hip! Literally, they can’t do anything without each other and they’re constantly texting each other non-stop. So after they started to go out, Jim started to hang out less and less with other people. It was about only hanging out with his girlfriend.

I know what you guy’s are thinking. Typical thing for a guy to do once he finds a girlfriend. Just dump all his other friends and disregard them.

During that past year, I always nagged and bugged him about hanging out with other people, including myself as well. (Don’t nag your friends by the way, it doesn’t really help).

I think that’s when things started to fall apart.

Throughout the year, we argued a lot. Basically we were acting like an old married couple. I felt bad always blaming him for not putting in the effort and bugging him about it. But all I wanted to do was see my friend and hang out. It got to the point where I think he started to care less and less about our friendship, which sucks because both of us put so much time and energy into it.

I was starting to get annoyed that he was hanging out with her more than me. I was joking around with my other friend that it felt like he was my boyfriend and was cheating on me. If you knew us...it was like that.

The only disappointing thing is that he doesn’t seem to care as much about his friends or his friendships with them. I love him like a brother and would do anything for him, it’s just disheartening that he doesn’t feel the same way.

So our conversation from a couple of days ago:

Me: ok. who’s your closest friend? g/f doesn't count.

Jim: what about family?

Me: No family

Jim: fine right now it would have to be Charlie from school.

Me: **Me thinking right now, what am I chop liver or something?**

Jim: I don't really care about anyone’s opinion anymore

Me: Doesn’t that seem a bit selfish for you to say?

Jim: Well I’m sorry you think I’m being self. Fine .. I’m selfish ok.

Me: You know what? As long as you have g/f then that’s all that matters doesn’t it?

Jim: To be honest, yes.

Jim: Look..I’m sorry we can’t be close friends. We can just be friends you know. Like I don’t see my friends for awhile and they don’t see me for awhile. We don’t really care you know?

Me: Ok, if that’s what you want Jim.

So we continued talking, me getting more and more frustrated by the fact that he’s being stubborn and myself as well. I was kind of getting the hint that he just wanted to be “friends” rather than close friends. Ok ok .. I seem really attached to him. I know that. But honestly, it’s because he (and my best friend) are the only two close straight guy friends I have. Most of the friends I have are of the female genre, very few male ones. So it meant a lot having him for a friend.

So after our conversation 2 days ago, we haven’t spoken to each other since. Before we would talk every other day, just to joke around and see what’s happening with each other. But now, it almost feels like, “If he’s not going to talk to me, why should I?”

His advice was to go and hang out with other people because he can’t be there for me all the time. I never expect him to be, it was just being there as a friend. Why must he be so arrogant .. blah!

I know this is typical once someone gets into a relationship and balancing all of it is a struggle. But I thought it would be important enough for him to at least try. So would you consider this selfishness or love?

For now I’m doing what he want..to give him space.

I guess people change and we have to move on. We were there for each other this past year and it was great fun. I wouldn’t change it for the world.