Ryan's back from Barcelona.

It was odd when he was gone. When he was in Barcelona, we sent each other emails (something we rarely do) and our emails were rather brief. Nothing too deep or intense, just simple small talk like “I hope you're having fun” or “What kind of food are you eating?”

But then again, that’s what our conversations are like. We’ll fill 45 minutes about what went on in our day, about the food we ate, the people we encountered, the weather.

“That’s the thing about relationships in our world… We make up the rules,” my friend Jamie told me last week when I told her about how Ryan and I have this weird long distance relationship. “Since the gay world never had a real blueprint as to how relationships are supposed to work, anything goes. And if it works for you, it works for you, no matter how unconventional it is.”

And she’s right. Normally, I’d never enjoy this kind of relationship, one based on surface conversations with a deeper, unspoken language of understanding that doesn’t need to be articulated, because we both just “know”. Normally, I like to talk about my feelings, I like to say, “I miss you” and “I can’t wait to see you again.” I like to say, “I wish you were here with me” and I like to hear it too. But we don’t do or say that because we don’t need to. And I’m completely fine with that, really, I am. We both know what we have, we just don’t need to talk about it.

*****************

While he was in Spain, I really began to question again exactly what we had. Are we in a ‘relationship, I asked myself. Am I limiting myself by not dating someone who’s actually here in my own city? Am I screwing myself out of a real relationship because I’m not looking?

But it was all answered when my phone rang and when I looked at who was calling, and my heart swelled and a smile broke out on my face.

At the end of the day, I don’t need constant reassurance of what I have and what it all means. All I need is what I feel and what I know and for now, I know I really like this…

For now.

** I'll post the pics tomorrow. :-)