Yesterday I was at my local Woolworths buying a large bag of Purina dog

chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout

line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.



What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have

little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was

starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,

because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50

pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out

of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.



I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that

it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply

eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally

complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to

mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with

my story.) Horrified, she asked if the reason I ended up in intensive care

was because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb

to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.



I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was

laughing so hard.



Woolies won't let me shop there anymore.



Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world

world to think of crazy things to say.
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