It's so cold my Toyota crawled into the backyard shed last night and refused to come out unless I brought it hot coffee.



It was so cold that when I dialed 911 a recording said to call back in April.

It is so cold Starbucks served Coffee on a popsicle stick.

It was so cold the local politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

It was so cold my mustache shattered when I laughed.

It was so cold that down at our theater during a comedian's routine people threw frozen tomatoes at him.

It was so cold my cats were lining up for turns on the rotisserie.

It was so cold the fog froze and I had to tunnel my way out to get my mail.

It was so cold that when I tried to take out the garbage it didn't want to go.

It was so cold that when I blinked my eyes froze shut.

It was so cold Smokey the Bear set fire to the forest.

It was so cold people flicked their Bics (in their pocket.)

It was so cold healthy people kissed flu victims, hoping for a fever.

It was so cold that only men with very short names could write their names in the snow.