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Entertainment > Humor > Diary of a Dog & a Cat
 

Diary of a Dog & a Cat

I got this in an email and laughed so hard that I am hoping others find it equally as amusing. I think why I laughed so hard is because it is SO true!

Enjoy!

Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However,they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Idiots!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now...

posted on July 4, 2008 1:22 PM ()

Comments:

I love this every time I read it!
comment by kristilyn3 on July 15, 2008 2:08 PM ()
I own cats and dogs. I just know that these were written by them!!!!
comment by hayduke on July 10, 2008 9:38 AM ()
comment by strider333 on July 7, 2008 11:22 PM ()
I love this. I got this last year, but it never fails to make me laugh!
comment by teacherwoman on July 7, 2008 5:16 AM ()
Too funny
comment by ekyprogressive on July 5, 2008 10:33 AM ()
Absolutely hilarious!!!
comment by looserobes on July 5, 2008 7:49 AM ()
I love it!
comment by nittineedles on July 4, 2008 8:12 PM ()
That is one smart cat.This was really funny,thanks for sharing.
comment by dogsalot on July 4, 2008 7:02 PM ()
This is way too cute!!! I especially love the dog's diary! It just captures the essense of "dog" doesn't it... all happy and enthusiastic!!
comment by sunlight on July 4, 2008 3:52 PM ()
I read this and nearly wet myself as did my husband, great post
comment by lynnie on July 4, 2008 2:40 PM ()

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