Okay.
It looked like melanoma, all right?
I’m not a hypochondriac. (Well okay, I am.)
But it seriously looked like melanoma!
(If you are a hypochondriac, you may wish to stop reading this post right here, for I am about to give a physical description of melanoma, and, if you are anything like me, you will then search your entire body until you’re sure you’ve found it!)
I take a shower every morning.  And, as is my custom, I take it naked. (Call me strange.)
Before I hop in the shower, I have a habit of jumping on the scale and weighing myself.  When I do this, I look down at my naked feet.
Well, one morning a while back, I hopped on the scale, looked down, and I noticed a big, bluish mark on the big toenail of my right foot. I paid it no attention. 
The next morning, I did the same thing, and I noticed the mark again. Thinking that it was some dye that leached onto my nail from my sock or something like that, I tried to rub it off. 
No dice.
That’s when I realized that the mark was under my nail, and not on top of it.
A week went by in which I had the daily morning sighting of the blue mark, which was then slightly larger than when I first noticed it, and it was beginning to turn purple and black.
Since I ALWAYS talk about myself, and, in particular, I often talk about health issues, (Not that I’m preoccupied with that sort of thing, or anything like that.) I happened to mention my toenail to a colleague at work. 
Well, it just so happens that this particular colleague has a history of having melanoma, and he has had six malignant growths removed from his body over a period of about five years. 
(I JUST HAD to pick this guy to talk to that day, right?)
When I told him about the mark on my foot, he immediately reminded me that Bob Marley died from melanoma, and his melanoma first showed itself as a black streak under one of his big toenails. (Marley ended up dying four years after the appearance of the black streak from a brain tumor which was caused by this untreated melanoma.)
Fucking great.
So, I spent the rest of the day Googling “melanoma under toenails” on the internet.  I found a plethora of beautiful pictures of the deadly disease, and every single one of them looked exactly like what was going on under my toenail!
So, after seeing the photos, I did what any normal human being would do.  I freaked!
I must have run to the bathroom a dozen times during the course of the workday to check my toe. I even sat at my desk with my sock and shoe off so that I could stare down at it and obsess about it.
I went home that night and had Mary Ellen look at it a thousand times.
When she first saw it, she said, “You must have banged your toe.  It looks like blood under the toenail.”
That relieved me for a moment, until I realized that I couldn’t remember stubbing my toe or dropping anything on it. AND, it didn’t hurt! (#1 telltale sign of life-threatening cancer!)
When I absolutely couldn’t stand it any longer the next day, I called my doctor and, by some freaking miracle, I got an appointment that morning! However, my beloved Dr. Kristin couldn’t see me; I had to see the P.A.  She took one look at my toenail and said, “What do YOU think it is?”
I said, “The ‘M’-word.”
She said, “That’s what I’m thinking too.”
WWWWHHHHAAAAATTTTTT??????????
I was stunned. Suddenly, everything in the world went dazzling white. I got dizzy.  I felt nauseous. Everything started running in slow motion. Nothing was real.
She wasn’t supposed to say that. She was supposed to say, “It’s a bruise. No big deal.”  But she didn’t. Instead of relieving my tension, and sending me away feeling happily foolish, she told me that I was going to die!

Did you ever see the 1952 movie by the great Japanese director, Akira Kurosawa, call Ikiru? (Translated into English, “Ikiru” means “To live.”) 
The plot of the film revolves around a middle-aged executive who has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. 
One of the film’s most poignant scenes has the main character leaving the doctor’s office immediately after learning of the diagnosis. As a viewer of the film, you don’t realize that the soundtrack is shut off during that scene. You hear absolutely nothing as the man walks down the busy city sidewalk, totally absorbed in the despair. The sounds of the world suddenly come screaming back when he inadvertently steps of the sidewalk. The overly loud blast of diesel truck air horn shocks the audience as much as it does the character.
Well, that’s how I felt when the P.A. told me that she thought there was a possibility that I had melanoma.   My cheeks got hot. My forehead grew cold, and my mouth went dry.
She must have seen or sensed the panic that I was in.  (The high-pitched scream coupled with the crocodile tears that began flowing down my cheeks might have been a give-away.) She quickly began explaining her thoughts.  There was no discoloration of the skin on the toe, just under the nail. If I had stubbed it or dropped something on it, there would be bruising, right?
I just nodded, unable to find my voice.
“And besides,” she said, “There’s a good chance that it hasn’t metastasized yet.”
Sweet.
Then, she stood up and said, “But let me talk to the Doctor for a minute.”
She exited the room, leaving me sitting on the paper-covered examining table, barefooted, stunned, and most assuredly wanting my mommy.
Two minutes later, Dr. Kristin walked into the room. “What’s going on, Jim?”
I looked up at her and whispered, “You tell me.”
With a scowl of concern crossing her face, she took my foot in her hands and peered at my toenail. She pushed at it with her fingers, and tried to peel the skin back from around the edges of the nail.
She then put my foot down, leaned back on her stool and said, “I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. Melanoma under the toenail usually begins as a streak that run the length of the toenail and then spreads out from there.  What you have here is blotch.”
Finally somebody told me something that I wanted to here! All of the tension that was building up in my body for the last two weeks began to flow out of me.
“Also,” she continued, “Melanoma under the toenail very rarely occurs in Caucasians. It is seen most often in blacks. (Ergo, Bob Marley).
I was now on Cloud Nine.  It was like this wonderful, benevolent, intelligent, beautiful woman had just handed my life back to me…
Until she said, “but, there are always the exceptions to the rule. So, just because melanoma is such an aggressive cancer, I think that it should be checked out.”
Everything came crashing down again. It was like the floor had dropped out from beneath me again, and the noose around my neck suddenly tightened to the point that I had a hard time swallowing.
Dr. Kristin gave me the names of two people call; one was a dermatologist, the other was a podiatrist. She said that she would prefer me to see the dermatologist, but it might take a long time to make an appointment with him.  So she suggested that I call the podiatrist, and, if he thought it was something to be concerned about, he could call the dermatologist and get me in quicker.
So, I left Kristin’s office and IMMEDIATELY called the podiatrist.
I explained to the receptionist that my doctor suspected that I had melanoma under my toenail, and I wanted the podiatrist to take a look at it.
She said, “No problem! Let’s see….the next available appointment is . . . February 7th at 2 p.m.  How’s that sound?”
“How’s that sound? That SUCKS!!!!!! THAT’S how that sounds!!!!!”
Okay. I didn’t actually say that. I said, “That’s four months away.  You don’t have anything sooner? I mean, this could be melanoma!”
She answered immediately, “Nope! That’s the best I can do.”
Four months! I could be DEAD in four months!!!!!!!
So, I made the appointment and hung up the phone.
I was so scared now that my hands were literally shaking.
I called the dermatologist, and explained everything to the receptionist.
“Okay,” she said sweetly. “Can you be here at 2:15 this afternoon?”
What?
SHIT!
I was in the dermatologist’s office at 1:45.
At exactly 2:15, my name was called, and I followed the attendant to an examining room.  “Have a seat and remove your shoe and sock,” she said with a smile. “The doctor will be right with you.”
I sat on the examination table, thinking about how much I love life and how much I don’t want to die. I remember thinking, “How am I going to say good-bye to Mary Ellen? How am I going to say good-bye to my children? How am I going to say good-bye to Fritz the Dog???????”
Tears began filling my eyes as I thought about such things.
Then, suddenly the door to the examination room opened, and this twelve-year-old in a white lab coat entered, saying, “Hello, Mr. Hetrick.  I’m Dr. Bankowski.  Let’s take a look at that toe of yours.”
He sat down on a stool in front of me, lifted my foot, and carefully examined toenail.
After a minute of careful scrutiny, he let go of my foot, leaned back and looked me in the eyes. “It’s not melanoma.  It’s just blood under the nail. Nothing to worry about.”
I looked up at him and said, “I could kiss you!”
He never changed his professional, deadpan expression as he replied, “I would really prefer that you didn’t.”
After the doctor left the room, and I was putting my sock and shoe back on, I thought, Wow! Mary Ellen was right! It’s just blood under the toenail! All of this freaking worrying for nothing!!!!!
I left that building and stepped out into the afternoon. The sun was shining, bluebirds were singing, and for the first time all day long, I was hungry!
Life is good…precious and good!