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Sept 30TH 2008
There has been so much going on in my life. We have found the right medications for me. I was an emotional mess until we got it right so I thought it was right to stay away from my friends here. I was a basket case there for a while. I tried to kill myself four times in 2 years. I would wake up wanting to to kill myself think about it during the day and go to bed thinking about it. I had my friends here worried about me.
My poor Husband never knew if he was going to come home and find me dead. He was at such a lose at what to do. He didn't know if he should be mad or worried. My deep depression not only hurt me it hurt everyone around me in one way or another. I am so sorry I put everyone through the pain I did. There was nothing I could do to stop it. I was just as at a lose as they were. I didn't like to be in that much confusion.
I was so lost and alone in this dark world I was living in. This depression Not only affected me but my family. I felt like I was out of my body looking in. I wanted to be apart of the family I was looking in on everyday. I was watching my sons grow and I was not a part of it. I wanted to find joy in the little things they were doing. But you can only fake smiles for so long. I was trapped inside trying to get to my family.
Enough For Now
Gail Marie
THinking of you Gail