>
>
> Have you had a bad day? Then read this...
>
> Absolutely hilarious.....hope you enjoy!JASPER AND THE UNBAKED YEAST ROLLS
>
> We have a cocker spaniel by the name of Jasper. He came to us in the
summer of
> 2001 from the cocker spaniel rescue program. For those of you who are
unfamiliar
> with this type of adoption, imagine taking in a 10-year-old child about
whom you
> know nothing and committing to doing your best to be a good parent.
>
> Like a child, the dog came with his own idiosyncrasies. He will only sleep
on
> the bed, on top of the covers, nuzzled as close to my face as he can get
without
> actually performing a French kiss on me.
>
> Lest you think this is a bad case of no discipline, I should tell you that
Perry
> and I tried every means to break him of this habit, including locking him
in a
> separate bedroom for several nights. The new door cost over $200. But I
digress.
>
> Five weeks ago we began remodelling our house. Although the cost of the
project
> is downright obnoxious, it was 20 years overdue AND it got me out of
cooking
> Thanksgiving dinner for family, extended family, and a lot of friends that
I
> like more than family most of the time.
>
> I was assigned the task of preparing 120 of my famous yeast dinner rolls
for the
> two Thanksgiving feasts we did attend.
>
> I am still cursing the electrician for getting the new oven hooked up so
> quickly. It was the only appliance in the whole darn house that worked ...
thus
> the assignment.
>
> I made the decision to bake the rolls on Wednesday evening to reheat
Thursday
> morning. Since the kitchen was freshly painted, you can imagine the odor.
Not
> wanting the rolls to smell like Sherwin Williams #586, I put them on
baking
> sheets and set them in the living room to rise for a few hours. Perry and
I
> decided to go out to eat, returning in about an hour The rolls were ready
to go
> in the oven.
>
> It was 8:30 PM. When I went to the living room to retrieve the pans, much
to my
> shock, one whole pan of 12 rolls was empty. I called out to Jasper and my
worst
> nightmare became a reality. He literally wobbled over to me. He looked
like a
> combination of the Pillsbury dough boy and the Michelin Tire man wrapped
up in
> fur. He groaned when he walked. I swear even his cheeks were bloated.
>
> I ran to the phone and called our vet. After a few seconds of uproarious
> laughter, he told me the dog would probably be OK, however, I needed to
give him
> Pepto Bismol every two hours for the rest of the night.
>
> God only knows why I thought a dog would like Pepto Bismol any more than
my kids
> did when they were sick. Suffice it to say that by the time we went to bed
the
> dog was black, white and pink. He was so bloated we had to lift him onto
the bed
> for the night.
>
> We arose at 7:30 AM and as we always do first thing, put the dog out to
relieve
> himself. Well, the dog was as drunk as a sailor on his first leave. He was

> running into walls, falling flat on his butt and most of the time when he
was
> walking, his front half was going one direction and the other half was
either
> dragging in the grass or headed 90 degrees in another direction.
>
> He couldn't lift his leg to pee, so he would just walk and pee at the
same time.
> When he ran down the small incline in our back yard, he couldn't stop
himself
> and nearly ended up running into the fence.
>
> His pupils were dilated and he was as dizzy as a loon. I endured another
few
> seconds of laughter from the vet (second call within 12 hours) before he
> explained that the yeast had fermented in his belly and that he was indeed

> drunk.
>
> He assured me that, not unlike most binges we humans go through, it would
wear
> off after about four or five hours and to keep giving him Pepto Bismol.
>
> Afraid to leave him by himself in the house, Perry and I loaded him up and
took
> him with us to my sister's house for the first Thanksgiving meal of
the day.
>
> My sister lives outside of Muskogee on a ranch (10 to 15 minute drive).
Rolls
> firmly secured in the trunk (124 less 12) and drunk dog leaning from the
back
> seat onto the console of the car between Perry and I, we took off.
>
> Now I know you probably don't believe that dogs burp, but believe me
when I say
> that after eating a tray of risen unbaked yeast rolls, DOGS WILL BURP.
These
> burps were pure Old Charter. They would have matched or beat any smell in
a
> drunk tank at the police station. But that's not the worst of it.
>
> Now he was beginning to fart and they smelled like baked rolls. God strike
me
> dead if I am not telling the truth! We endured this for the entire trip to

> Karen's, thankful she didn't live any further away than she did.
>
> Once Jasper was firmly placed in my sister's garage with the door
locked, we
> finally sat down to enjoy our first Thanksgiving meal of the day. The dog
was
> the topic of conversation all morning long and everyone made trips to the
garage
> to witness my drunken dog, each returning with a tale of Jasper's
latest
> endeavor to walk without running into something. Of course, as the old
adage
> goes, 'what goes in must come out' and Jasper was no exception.
>
> Granted, if it had been me that had eaten 12 risen unbaked yeast rolls,
you
> might as well have put a concrete block up my behind but alas, a dog's
digestive
> system is quite different from yours or mine. I discovered this was a
mixed
> blessing when we prepared to leave Karen's house. Having discovered
his
> 'packages' on the garage floor, we loaded him up in the car so we
could hose
> down the floor.
>
> This was another naive decision on our part. The blast of water from the
hose
> hit the poop on the floor and the poop on the floor withstood the blast
from the
> hose. It was like Portland cement beginning to set up and cure.
>
> We finally tried to remove it with a shovel. I (obviously no one else was
going
> to offer their services) had to get on my hands and knees with a coarse
brush to
> get the remnants off of the floor. And as if this wasn't degrading
enough, the
> darn dog in his drunken state had walked through the poop and left paw
prints
> all over the garage floor that had to be brushed, too.
>
> Well, by this time the dog was sobering up nicely, so we took him home and

> dropped him off before we left for our second Thanksgiving dinner at
Perry's
> sister's house.
>
> I am happy to report that as of today (Monday) the dog is back to normal
both in
> size and temperament. He has had a bath and is no longer tricolor. None
the
> worse for wear, I presume. I am also happy to report that just this
evening I
> found two risen unbaked yeast rolls hidden inside my closet door.
>
> It appears he must have come to his senses after eating 10 of them but
decided
> hiding two of them for later would not be a bad idea. Now, I'm doing
research on
> the computer as to how to clean unbaked dough from the carpet.
>
> And how was your day?
>
>
>
>
>