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Power Issues~
Power Issues~
I don't think my meds are working because i just can't stop thinking all this negative outcomes to everything.I am truly driving myself insane.To a certain degree.My mind gets crazy.Alan has had to work all wk and i've been here alone.I have noticed that i just stay angry all the time.I am aging myself to death mentally and physical.Before we started fighting i was fine.I don't want to blame it all on him but,I do admit that fighting triggered something in my mind.now ever since I'm just negative,a smartass about everything.No patience with anything or person.I hope it is just a protective thing that is happening that i can get a grip on soon.I guess i've been so let down in the past 2yrs.I just got hurt so much by the people that were supposed to help me.I think maybe my mind doesn't want to admit that I could possibly be hurt by the one person that i've held on for.does that make any sense?I hope it does.Because in my mind i could withstand anything for him just to come home alive.Now to get hurt feelings from him is just too much..Right now.I also feel trapped now.Like if something was to happen how would i get back to tennessee?What is going to happen to chandler and his education?Why is he being selfish is the question i have been asking myself.Cause to me fighting when or where chan can hear is just plain selfishness.I want to scream GROW-UP!!!I think we need counseling if we are going to stay together.He needs to be able to take advice from me.He's a instructor for goodness sake.We have to deal with this war thing that is so in our way.....I think.Lord I'm so tired of questioning everything in sight or thought after HAVING to be sure of things to move forward We have to learn to live together again.We both are used to being in control,without outside input so we have to learn everything together again.zBut i can't do it alone......oh wow i'm losing it
posted on Oct 3, 2007 11:14 AM ()
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