Well, not alot regarding news or politics for me to say at the moment, just more personal stuff to get off my chest.
    Got one more night to work, tonight, but I just can't sleep. That isn't good, because I will be feelng it in the late hours tonight. My friend D. has to work with me tonight too, and she has been really down. Her ex husband died last night. They have 3 kids together, and he left her for another woman, then discovered he had stage 4 cancer like 4 weeks later. By that point, he already had the other woman pregnant. Well actually, he had her pregnant BEFORE that, if you follow. She is here staying with me, and flys from "he was a bast.rd" to "but did he know me and the kids loved him". I don't really know what to say to her, or what to tell her to make her feel better about all this. Her and the girlfriend already had their screaming match over the phone, and I don't think she plans to go to the funeral at all. Two of her kids are too young to even understand the situation.
    I went to work, before we knew all this,  feeling great. My travel agency contacted me by email on the 3ed, and said the hospital here in Delaware asked if I would consider another extension. After my big ordeal with the cardiologist trying to insinuate I killed a patient to the patient's family when in fact the Autopsy I was told showed otherwise. So I felt good, like they were behind me, and had more faith in my abilities than that. But then last night, before I found out about the situation with D. one of the Cardiovascular nurses said that she heard the autopsy was inconclusive, but that it definately wasn't the pain medicine I gave.
    "Inconclusive". Damn, that hurts. We want to know, as medical practicioners that we did everything we could. That we did everything right, that if something was "missed" that anyone else in the same situation wouldn't have been able to do things better or differently.
    I know, if it is "inconclusive" that I will probably be blamed by this family for his individuals death for the rest of their lives. And I will never know, if there really was something I missed, or something else I should have done. That stings, in a way you can't believe. It not only makes me want to go home, but to change careers all together. Never in my 7 years as a nurse has anything like this happened. Now I wonder will the family try to come after me with legal claims, they wouldn't win of course with "inconclusive" but still, I just want to move on, and it keeps coming back at me here. I suppose if the hospital felt I was at fault, they would not ask my recruiter to get me to renew, but I am just so sick of being reminded of this, or having it pass through my head. Every day wonder what I should have or could have done better...
    I guess I will just go home, finish my BSN, and then maybe consider a change in profession. Maybe I will apply to law school after all, like I have threatened for over a year now. At least I won't, or anyone else won't, think I helped contribute to someone's passing that way. Or go into Geology or Botany, play with rocks or grow plants! Can't be accused of hurting anyone there...
    Anyway, sorry about the rant. On to different topics to help me engage in escapism...