There's the old saying, "Long time no see". I think it's more appropriate in this case to tweak that expression into "Long time no post" because it's been ages since I've posted anything, hasn't it?

Well, first I'd like to say thanks to a few dear friends who have been trying to reach me because my absence was giving them reason for concern. A few people had heard from me and some have been seeing me in facebook, but they, too, noticed I wasn't quite the same. Some, though, haven't seen or heard from me in a while. An email I received yesterday woke me up to that fact and made me realize that friends are supposed to stay in touch with each other.

Leaving people wondering and maybe even worrying is just not the right thing to do. So, I thank my friends from the bottom of my heart because I do know that they really do think about me and care about me. I think and care about them just as much, although my recent behavior might suggest otherwise. I truly hope that is not what anyone is thinking. I was simply being selfish and foolish during a time when I was burying myself in my own personal affairs and dealing with this thing we call life.

I really don't know what happened. I just know things went awry from the time that Edie was in the hospital before Easter until very recently, even though things are still not completely settled down yet. A book could probably be written about all the different bumps and lumps, twists and turns, but I really don't want to air out laundry, go into boring work details, or ramble on about how everything can all get tied up together in one chaotic mess. So, instead, I will just give a quick summary of what has been taking up my time, which might explain why I've been away from the computer so much.

Yes, Edie's health did play a major role throughout the entire time. The immediacy of her problem was when she was in the hospital and for the 5-8 weeks that followed. Not only was she not feeling well, seeing doctors frequently, and needing my help and attention, but she was also out of work an awful lot, which caused a real financial situation. Although I was able to add to my work, which helped tremendously, the situation still existed...plus it also meant that I had to get used to working fulltime out of the house again, something I haven't done since 2001. With just one car for the two of us, who work at places in opposite directions, with most housekeeping chores being neglected or skimmed over, with Edie not feeling well, and with us falling short on keeping up with the bills, our moods and emotions and thoughts became as unsettled and troubling as everything else.

I think a sort of mid-life crisis crept in on us as we both struggled with our own feelings and thoughts about feeling trapped, things being hopeless, and there being no end to all of this mess. Edie hated her job (for many years), her job was causing much of the stress contributing to her health problems, yet she/we needed that job. I love my job, but we both know that it fluctuates, so it can (and does) change at any time, meaning that I could be back on a meager commission pay at any point. As much as I was struggling with "things", Edie was struggling even more...even to the point of wondering if our own personal problems should be a burden to each other or if we'd be better off with each being on our own. After all, we were arguing, to the level of fighting, all the time (and we seldom argued at all throughout our entire relationship). We even thought we had mixed feelings about how we felt about each other....loving and missing each other, yetwanting to be away from each other. This became even more clear when I made a few trips alone to attend events because Edie was working....she was disappointed she couldn't go, but "that's life and it really doesn't matter" was the attitude she had...I missed having her with me, but felt a freedom and an escape from everything by me being without her on those occasions and "it really didn't matter that she wasn't there, too".

But, guess what? It was those occasions, plus some visits from some of Edie's friends this summer, that woke something up in us. That's when our tip-toeing around the problems by attacking only the symptoms and results of things stopped and we finally sat down and talked about the roots of the problems, the actual feelings and thoughts and fears within our hearts and heads. That was the turning point. Summer was just about over and we knew more time was still needed, but "we" started becoming better from that point on.

We wanted it to work, we wanted to work on it, so we devoted ourselves to reducing distractions that seemed to add to our problems sometimes (such as me spending hours of free time on the computer), we did our best with the work/jobs we had, we handled chores and bills together (putting those "not really important aside for now"), and we looked for simple things that we could do together that would be comfortable and enjoyable for both of us (meaning nothing too hectic or crowded for Edie, nothing too close or short for me, nothing too expensive or tiring for us).

We are better and things have improved a bit, some might say they have improved a lot. We are getting along so well and we really are enjoying each other and being together again...the way it used to be, the way it always was. We have been able to get on a number of budget plans to help pay our bills, we have started to tackle some of those chores that were put "aside", and we are starting to find some time for allowing "extra things" again, so we are slowly introducing some "distractions" back in our lives, such as time on the computer and other "for me" things.

So, here I am. I guess you can say that I am back, although it might not be as regularly as it once was...I can not allow my computer "fun" to take priority over so many things as it did for so long. I will post whenever I can, will read and comment again, as I used to, and plan to stay connected with my friends here again, like I should be doing. Although life is still throwing challenges our way (our landlord just announced a rent increase right after Edie recently quit her job...oh, boy, did that cause some concern...but, gee, her medical condition "miraculously" cleared up and she seems so much more relaxed), we know we are in this together, we will take things in stride, and we can allow ourselves (and each other) some time to ourselves and/or with other personal interests.

Now, I can look back a bit on all of it and say that it may have been horrible in many ways, but it all did us some good, too. We released a lot of what we were holding in, our efforts paid off and we saved our relationship, Edie is feeling better and her cracking hands and foot sores have disappeared, I learned so much at my job and was able to run the business again while my boss was away for a week, we've learned to appreciate other people and the good things in life even more, and I'm feeling more like myself and more optimistic. Edie started a new job this week, we've been busier having fun more than ever, and I'm re-connecting with a lot of things I had put on hold. And, now that I think of it, I did get to do some neat things during all that time and recently, so I can now start sharing those things with you.

It's good to be back. I missed blogging so much, but, most of all, I missed all of you.