It's a new day (technically), but yesterday's problems carry over into today. I guess the upside is that I get another day to figure some of them out. Or maybe just one or two.

My mom called this evening while I was hurriedly making dinner (don't you just love multi-tasking?) and told me about the results of my dad's colonoscopy. Apparently there was a "dark spot" in the test results and the doctor will do surgery next month to remove 6 to 8 inches of my dad's colon. We won't know if it is cancer until after the surgery is over and the removed colon can be biopsied.

My dad is now 70 and has hardening of the arteries. He is mostly limited in any physical activity and is even unable to walk around the grocery store with my mother. My dad was going to "officially" retire at the end of this year anyway, and so this makes it pretty much definite. My mom said he would be hospitalized for about five days and recovery would take at least six weeks.

I don't have the best relationship with my parents or my family. I am the odd man out and because of my parent's religion and strict mode of living do not "cut the mustard", to put it mildly. I am not close to my parents as my other two sisters are, and never had the relationship with my mom as I believe I will have with my daughter when she becomes an adult.

My family lives more than 500 miles away and that in addition to our glaring differences makes it difficult to have anything near "close". I love my dad and mom, even though I strongly disagree with many things.

I finally got to the point where I stopped beating myself up because I could not win their acceptance and just put that behind me. I realized that the only relationship I would have with them, outside of a monthly phone call from my parents (unless something happened with a family member), was up to me.

It has not been an easy road as it has been hard not to be bitter with their seeming large lack of concern for my recent situation, with my surgery and recovery. My sister, who is one year younger than I, went through the same exact surgery as I did four and a half weeks ago, and then had the same repairs again to her bladder and rectum in another surgery. My mom took care of her kids both times afterward, so my parents are very aware of what I have been through.

I hate to see anything more happen to my dad, but I am preparing myself for the fact that it could be any day that he is taken. A strong heart attack could very likely end his life. Surgery for the hardening in his arteries was not an option. And now he may have cancer.

The thought of losing a parent weighs heavy on my mind, but the thought of losing one that I am almost estranged from tears at my heart.