We all know that stress can kill you so I try not to have any. Unfortunately lately it has been unavoidable and I have a giant zit festering on my chin to show for it, just in time for seeing relatives at the funeral I'm going to Monday. It figures.

Today's crisis involves getting bids to tear down the farmhouse. We have to do this because there is a big horizontal crack in the foundation and a certificate of occupancy cannot be issued even if the rest of it was fixed up. Once the asbestos is removed from the outside by one contractor another contractor has to tear it down and haul the debris to the dump and then bring in fill dirt to fill in the hole it leaves.

So the demolition guy sends me this bid that lists all these things he won't do, such as remove the chain link fence that goes around the front yard, put up security fencing or do erosion control, and he won't deal with the septic tank.

You all must think I'm obsessed with septic tank issues. Believe me, it's a coincidence.

My fancy cousin who is an astrophysicist at Harvard sent me an email telling me how it can't be hard to get the septic pumped, just find the guy who probably has been doing it for years and he will know where it is. I told my cousin since he's such an expert in these things he should come out here and deal with it. We don't know who the long-vanished former tenants called to pump the tank, if they ever had it pumped, and it took my husband 12 hours of poking around our back yard to find the one here, so it is going to be much harder there on the farm because we have no idea where to look and the yard is covered with 2 foot weeds.

I'm talking to the demolition contractor on the phone about it, and he says that I have to get it pumped out before he starts work. I tell him I have no idea where it is located and why can't his people with their heavy equipment locate it and skim the dirt off the access port so we can get it pumped out.

He tells me the only way he'll deal with it is if his equipment falls into it, otherwise he wants to leave it in place. I tell him that I am positive that the county/state is going require that it be properly closed off and every other contractor included it in their bid.

He tells me okay he'll locate it but will have to charge me time and materials to do so. I tell him that just means tracing the sewer pipe from the house and using a backhoe to skim off the topsoil in the likely spot and he agrees, and estimates it will cost $100 to locate it, $400-450 to get it pumped out, and $200 to fill it in like they are supposed to. Okay, I tell him, I'll add that number to the bottom of your estimate. "I know a lot about septic systems, I've been a certified installer for 25 years," he tells me. "I figured that," I tell him, I hope with enough sarcasm in my voice to convey that I'm wondering why he is playing coy about this.

I asked him if security fencing and erosion control are going to be required by the county/state and why they are not a part of him doing his normal job. He said nobody ever requires them, he just puts on his bids that he won't do them, but if there should be a need, he would do it and bill me extra.

He said he won't take down the fence that is around the front yard (it's one of those about 36 inches tall) because it is entwined with the trees and one time he was fined for damaging trees. I don't see how this applies to me, since it's my trees and I don't care if they are damaged, but he insists.

I tell him I envision a flat empty lot with some trees on it, not a fenced in area with an empty place next to it. He says no, he cannot cut the fence between the trees and haul the clear parts off. So we're going to end up with this stupid fence on that lot and when we sell the place will probably have to give the buyers a couple thousand dollars to get it taken care of.

Maybe when the county inspects it at the end of the project they will tell him it has to come out. And he'll charge a bunch extra to do it.

What a jerk. I have to wonder if he gave in on the septic because I told him my realtor and partners are concerned that we would not do something about the septic tank, so he realized he isn't bullying some helpless woman.

You are getting all ready to ask me if there aren't any other contractors around here who could do this project.

There are a lot who claim they could do it, but when it gets right down to it they have complications. At the beginning of August I got in touch with a guy the realtor recommended and he kept promising to get me a bid. I was going to go with him as long as his bid wasn't too much higher than the other bids because he claimed he could do both the asbestos removal and the demolition (septic tank included, no problem). But then he kept putting us off and never returned phone calls for three weeks so I finally gave up on him. His story was that he had other things going on. I say he should have let us know so we would understand why the delay. I had the feeling that it is always going to be something with him, and this is too important a project to be chasing some loser all over Weld County to find out why he's not working on our house project.

Another contractor gave the buyers a bid on the demolition but it turns out it was a courtesy bid and he had no intention of doing the job.

The deadline is September 17 when the insurance policy renewal is due - I want to get the house taken off the insurance before I pay for another year. Since it is 2000 square feet the insurance is very high on it.

So that's my rant for today.

Next week I have an appointment with the county planning department (different county) to talk about the boundary line problems on our parcels up here in the mountains. That's another stress inducer.