I was working out with the Wii and listening to Spike Jones & the City Slickers this afternoon when a nice man from India called to congratulate me because for Christmas I have 'won' a free Raisin Loomilard.

"Raisin loomilard? What's a raisin loomilard?"

"Yes, ma'am. A raisin loomilard. You have won a free raisin loomilard for Christmas."

"But I don't need a raisin loomilard."

"Raisin...raisin...loomilard...cell phone."

"Are you saying Verizon?"

"Yes! Raisin, raisin."

"Okay, let me get this straight. Are you offering me a Verizon cell phone?"

"Yes! Raisin... Raisin. Free Raisin loomilard for Christmas."

"But I don't want a Verizon cell phone. It's not free, nothing is free. It's going to cost me money. I don't have money. I can barely afford to live in a house instead of a car. No raisin loomilard for me."

"You would get 30 free calling minutes a month and free weekends and something else. All for a mere $13.99 a month. Raisin loomilard."

"No, no raisin loomilard. I have no money for raisin loomilards. You have a good day, and don't call me again."

I still don't know what the second word was supposed to be.