We recently received an email about how a former aerospace co-worker of Mr. Troutbend has been diagnosed with a type of dementia plus slight Alzheimers. This guy is probably in his late 70s. So it's sad, of course, but not the tragedy it'd be if he was 50.

His wife, whom he married late in life, in time to help him spend all the money he'd saved up as a frugal single guy, is in the business of writing grant applications for health care. I always enjoyed their Christmas letters because they'd just come out and tell us exactly what was going on - about the fight over who was going to pay for her son's wedding, and the fiasco when they decided to buy a yacht to keep in Washington DC in the summer and Florida in the winter, even though the husband can't swim a stroke. She tried to sail it north by herself when they first got it and ended up breaking her arm. They had it up for sale for two or three years before they finally unloaded it. It's always some dramatic story with them.

There is a website that is designed to coordinate the caretaking of people having a health crisis. The various friends sign up to receive emails about what is needed, like a ride to the doctor on a certain date, and the goal is for them to sign up to do it and take some of the burden off the primary care-taker.

We signed up to receive email notifications of the needs, mostly out of interest, since we are 800 miles away. At first, Phil only needed weekly rides to Senior Day at the grocery store so he could get bargains and use the coupons he clips during the week - because "Maureen doesn't shop." Okay. Maybe I 'don't shop' but I do it when I have to because I have no choice.

Maureen, the primary care-taker in this case, is a professional at writing appeals and convincing people to give, so it's all very compelling.



"Help Phil hook up all TVs/DVDs etc. throughout the house, set the clocks and write out simplified instructions for each unit so Phil can work with these units himself in the future. "

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Another day:

"Phil has two very old, very large desktop computers (one PC and one Mac) that need to "be gone" from the Hongs' household, but Phil needs to salvage some files before saying bidding farewell to these old "work horses."

Can you spare some time to help Phil transfer files he thinks he needs (to floppy disks or to.....)?

And, do you know how to "clean" the drives so sensitive information won't be used/abused?

Finally, could you then remove these "antiques" and drop them at a recycling center, used computer shop or take to a donation station (there's a Goodwill just blocks from the Hongs' home)."

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"1. Take photos of several items to sell on Craig's List; write the ads to accompany the photos; post the ads and photos; delete the ads once the items have sold.

2. Spend time assisting Phil organize several areas. Begin with one drawer in Phil's bathroom and, move on to ONE WHOLE DESK in the family room. Then help Phil sort approximately 30 boxes that have remained packed, but moved from one spot to another multiple times, since 1991. This process will consist of allowing Phil to look at every item and helping him decide if he should keep the item (and if so, where it's "home" will be), trash the item, recycle the item or donate the item. These tasks will take several days of work as Phil needs to go through all items. PATIENCE WILL BE GREATLY NEEDED!
Please call Maureen directly to arrange date and time."

====================

"Help Phil sort, organize and appropriately file his old files/paperwork and locate everything in one area (his office). These files and paperwork are currently "split" among basement file cabinets, boxes and file drawers in his office.

Shred documents. As Maureen has "discovered" important household and financial paperwork, she has been sorting it and putting non-essential documents in a box to be shredded. There is a lot of paper that contains sensitive information that requires shredding and it's a time-consuming task. The Hongs have two shredders so two volunteers could work simultaneously.

2 VOLUNTEERS NEEDED. PLEASE CALL MAUREEN TO ASSIST THEM!"


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"Sort old issues of Consumer Reports magazines and annual guides; haul away issues that pre-date 2005 and appropriate dispose of them

Haul away boxes of old magazines (Playboy and Penthouse) and appropriately dispose of them.

Help Phil sort hundreds of issues of National Geographic and decide which he wants to keep (file these in magazine holders (which Phil bought about 15 years ago, but are still empty). Appropriately dispose of unwanted issues.'

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"Phil needs help organizing himself to write and send his Christmas cards/greetings but, due to his FTD, is unable to "initiate." Maureen doesn't have time to help him this year. Can you spare a few hours to get him started? Task will involve helping him make a list, find addresses, make address labels and affix those and stamps to envelopes (Maureen has cards/envelopes). Phil will be able to take it from there.
PLEASE CALL MAUREEN TO HELP PHIL WITH CARDS"
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Mind you: all this is written by Maureen herself, but she uses the third person to make it sound like someone else is asking on her behalf.

Then came:



"Hello Team Stardust members...

For those members/volunteers who live in Denver near Maureen & Phil, PLEASE check the calendar frequently to see all volunteering opportunities. Very few members are stepping forward to give rides, or to help both Maureen & Phil where needs are noted. It is somewhat depressing to those who spent several hours putting the calendar together only to find that most who have signed up to volunteer have yet to sign-up for any activity. Maureen has taken over most of Phil's rides needs; Consequently driving Phil is taking needed time from her daily working schedule, in addition to her having to deal with insurance issues, making appointments with attorneys, overseeing the workers at home all day, continual cleaning-up of dust created by the workers, in addition to being worn out to the point of exhaustion. As a signed-on volunteer, PLEASE consider the calendar!
THANK YOU!"
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The most recent:


"If you aren't aware of what's been going on, eight weeks ago the Hongs' home suffered extensive water damage, basically destroying the front interior portion (kitchen was the only exception). The at-fault contractor's insurance company refused to provide advance monetary compensation and after seeking advice from seven attorneys and their own homeowner's insurance company, Maureen is initiating legal action and using the Hongs' own resources to begin repairs. Maureen has spent hundreds of hours in obtaining repair estimates, faxing, phoning, e-mailing, photographing damages, meeting with attorneys, cleaning up water/plaster, moving furniture and small items from harms' way, clearing snow/ice from holes in the roof, etc. Additionally, she's been trying to work full-time and care for Phil. Their previously beautiful home is in ruins. This damage came in the midst of a remodeling effort, and although repairs will commence next week, Maureen and Phil have been living in a "disaster area" for two months. Maureen is at the point of collapsing from exhaustion. As the house is put back together, plaster dust will now be the biggest issue. Any intermittent or ongoing help will be gratefully welcomed (moving items back and forth, constant cleaning of plaster dust from items and surfaces, etc.)
PLEASE EMAIL MAUREEN TO COMMIT TO ASSISTING!"


These people are rich! Phil has a huge pension and social security and company-paid health care insurance. He still gives lectures at the Denver museum, so he's not all that ga-ga. They can pay for someone to clean out their old files, drive the guy around, dust the house! She works because she wants to. If Maureen is working full-time, it's a $100,000 plus a year executive position! Give me a break.

I'm sorry for them, but who wouldn't like to get free help with their daily life? My husband puts things off, or as Maureen puts it, 'can't initiate,' and we have boxes he should go through. Wouldn't it be great if someone would come and PATIENTLY help him with it? And 'appropriately dispose' of our junk for us? All for free?

I think they've asked too much too fast and scared everyone off.