A hungry traveler stops at a monastery and is taken to the kitchens. A brother is frying chips. 'Are you the friar?' he asks. 'No. I'm the chip monk,' he replies.

It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.

Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%, they blame it on the cost of living.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.



If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!



Puns about monorails always make for decent one-liners.



The frustrated cannibal threw up his hands.



The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.



To some - marriage is a word ... to others - a sentence.






"The truth is what is, not what should be. What should be is a dirty lie." - Lenny Bruce


(Ba dump dump)