I really wish it was. It seems that life has dealt me a hand of crap lately. Last Friday, while driving to work I got in a car wreck. It was not fun in the least bit. I am trying to remain positive, believe me I know it's tough.

I did about $2500 worth of damage, and I have a rental car to get me around. I scratch that I have a freaking car with it's own zip code. It's a Nissan Sextera. Just kidding it's an Xterra and it's huge. I drive it and the freaking thing rattles. Recently, in a text convo with Kristy we were discussing that I like large cars. Guess what? I totally lied. So I am driving this BIG Ass car, and I feel like I should stop to screw in the bolts tighter because the f'ing thing rattles. I don't recommend this vehicle for purchase and I am pretty sure that the mother f'er is going to be a gas guzzler.

I did decide not to buy, because of the whole down payment issue. My parentals were not able to help out as much as they thought but we're all going to save and perhaps try again next year. So now the quest is on to look for a place to live. Sadly the rental situation you have to wait forever, almost to the end to figure out where you're going to live. It's annoying in my humble opinion, as a TYPE A person it's a challenge to just let live and be.

Grandma is doing better. She's been moved from the 4th floor to the 2nd, I hear that this is a good thing. Since I wrecked my car this Friday I didn't exactly drive all around this weekend.

I have been experiencing negativity, specifically surrounded by my upcoming birthday. Each year I reflect on the previous year. Yes it's been a good year, I have a decent paying job, a home, great friends, a loving dog, and many things to give thanks for. I tend to focus on the negative though, like the fact that I chose the wrong person AGAIN to love. There is something seriously wrong with me that I choose this person who was incapable of loving me back to love. This is not the first time that this has happened. Perhaps, it's easier to make myself available and open to those with whom I have no chance. I don't know, but it seriously irks me in a way that I am not able to describe into words.

I am not upset about cookie. This is the truth... there has been so many other things going on that I have determined that one who is married to one's job should not answer another persons ad for online dating when they specifically request you to NOT have this characteristic. Am I blaming him? Mostly... But he deserves it.

I hope you're all doing much more positively than I. I am seeking positive energy... but some days the negativity/apathy wins out.

SB