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A WEE BIT:
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce
children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began
searching for the perfect woman.
After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the East coast,
he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who
had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his
breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking
for permission to marry one of them.
The farmer simply replied, "They're all looking to get married, so
you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one
you want,"
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked
for the man's opinion.
"Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can
hardly notice..but pigeon-toed."
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other
girls. So the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
"Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you
can hardly tell...cross-eyed."
The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if
things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "she's perfect,
just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!"
So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified, the baby was
the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to
his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering
the parents.
"Well," explained the farmer, "she was just a weeeee bit, not that
you could hardly tell.....pregnant when you met her."
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THE OLD MAN ON THE BUS:
An old man with a cane gets on a bus with no empty seats.
No one offers to stand so he can sit.
As the bus shakes and rolls, the old man's cane slips
and he falls to the floor.
As he gets up, a seven-year-old sitting nearby turns to him
and says, "You know, if you'd put a rubber thingy on the end
of your stick, it wouldn't slip."
The old man snaps back, "If your daddy had done the same thing
seven years ago, I'd have a seat today!"
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ONCE UPON A TIME:
There's this king in a far away land, revered and respected by his
people and known for his generosity all around. He had a very
beautiful wife, the pride of the land. It was said that even the moon
would shy away from the sky when she came out into the night.
The king loved her deeply, and couldn't stay away from her for even a
moment. It was not surprising, therefore, when the king had to go to
battle to help a neighboring land, he was very sad about leaving her
alone. But she, like a good wife, built his confidence, and said "Go,
duty beckons you. I shall be fine."
And so he went, only to find out that he was not needed, and the
enemy had already been routed. Ecstatic at being reunited with his
wife sooner than he thought, he rushed back to the palace, and went
straight into the bedroom. To his astonishment, he found his wife
lying naked in bed, and his most trusted Prime Minister on top of
her, giving gratification. Enraged at the bitter betrayal, he pulled
out his gleaming sword from its sheath, and proceeded towards the
bed, screaming "Get off, you swine!"
The Prime Minister, obviously startled at being caught, stumbled
off the bed, his still erect penis glistening in the moonlight
through the window.
This enraged the king even further, who attacked the traitor's
organ with his sword, only to hear a resounding "Clang" as the metal
bounced off.
Surprised, the King had another go... "Clang!" The King's amazement knew no bounds, at something which so defied logic, and so he tried again.
This time, the sword, not being able to withstand the shearing stress, broke into two and fell to the floor.
Moral of the story "The pen is - mightier than the sword!
