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Churchill: ''Bessie, you're ugly, and tomorrow morning I shall be sober.''
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''There they are. See no evil, hear no evil, and...evil.''
—Bob Dole, watching former presidents Carter, Ford and Nixon standing by each other at a White House event
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''My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.''
—President Jimmy Carter
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''If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?''
—Abraham Lincoln
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''All that Hubert needs over there is a gal to answer the phone and a pencil with an eraser on it.''
—Lyndon Johnson on Hubert Humphrey, his vice president
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''The enemy isn't conservatism. The enemy isn't liberalism. The enemy is bulls**t.''
—Lars-Erik Nelson, political columnist
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''I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency -- even if I'm in a Cabinet meeting.''
—Ronald Reagan
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''George Bush is not Hitler. He would be if he f**king applied himself.''
—Margaret Cho
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''If one morning I walked on top of the water across the Potomac River, the headline that afternoon would read: 'President Can't Swim.'''
—Lyndon Johnson
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''Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.''
—Groucho Marx
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''Many of you know that I got my name, Barack, from my father. What you may not know is Barack is actually Swahili for 'That One.' And I got my middle name from somebody who obviously didn't think I'd ever run for president.''
—Barack Obama, at the 2008 Al Smith Dinner
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''It was absolutely involuntary. They sank my boat.''
—President John Kennedy, answering a little boy on how he became a war hero
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'I just received the following wire from my generous Daddy: ''Dear Jack, Don't buy a single vote more than is necessary. I'll be damned if I'm going to pay for a landslide.'''
—President John Kennedy
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''Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening.''
—Bill Clinton
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''Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.''
—Will Rogers
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And then there are those quotes that can be labeled nothing but "dumb" and "dumber". Here are just a few....
''Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country.''
—President George W. Bush, Sept. 6, 2004
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''When the President does it, that means it's not illegal.''
—Richard Nixon, in a 1977 interview with David Frost
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''We did not have a terrorist attack on our country during President Bush's term.''
—former White House Press Secretary Dana Perino, forgetting 9/11, Nov. 24, 2009
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''You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that.''
—President George W. Bush, to a divorced mother of three in Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005
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''Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans, virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively well.''
—FEMA Director Michael Brown, in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, Sept. 1, 2005
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''It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out.''
—Sarah Palin, quitting her job as governor, adding, ''Only dead fish go with the flow,'' July 3, 2009
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'Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?''
—George W. Bush, Jan. 11, 2000
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''The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.''
—Dan Quayle
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''I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence.''
—Rep. Michele Bachmann , on the 1976 Swine Flu outbreak that happened when Gerald Ford was president, April 28, 2009
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''We know there are known knowns: there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns: that is to say we know there are things we know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know.''
—Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Defense Department briefing,
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''Facts are stupid things.''
—Ronald Reagan, at the 1988 Republican National Convention, attempting to quote John Adams, who said, ''Facts are stubborn things''
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''Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt.''
—President Herbert Hoover
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''What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?''
—Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, D.C.
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''Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.''
—Marion Barry, former mayor of Washington, D.C.
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''Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya.''
—Joe Biden, to Missouri state Sen. Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Columbia, Missouri, Sept. 12, 2008
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'I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes.''
—Richard Nixon
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''Things are more like they are now than they have ever been.''
—President Gerald Ford
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''(I have) a wide stance.''
—Sen. Larry Craig, explaining to his arresting officer why he was playing footsie in a Minneapolis airport mens' room
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''They misunderestimated me.''
—President George W. Bush, Nov. 6, 2000
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''I would have made a good Pope.''
—President Richard Nixon
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''She's a wonderful, wonderful person, and we're looking to a happy and wonderful night -- ah, life.''
—Sen. Ted Kennedy, speaking about his then-fiancee, Victoria Reggie
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''We need to execute people like (John Walker Lindh) in order to physically intimidate liberals.''
—Ann Coulter
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''These broads are millionaires, lionized on TV and in articles about them, reveling in their status as celebrities and stalked by griefparrazies. I have never seen people enjoying their husband's death so much.''
—Conservative pundit Ann Coulter, on 9/11 widows who were critical of the Bush administration
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''We do know of certain knowledge that he [Osama Bin Laden] is either in Afghanistan, or in some other country, or dead.''
—former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, 2003
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And that's the way it were...uh "was"...or is it "are"?
