Well, ah gess you all have been a wundrin' whar ah been a hangin' out. Well, lemme' tell ya'! Ah been out thar in that thar Las Anjalees workin wuth mah budde, Jeff Foxworthy, on a dictshunaree, so all yuou uneduates can unnerstan are language heer in thu South.

We even cum up wuth ah name fer it. We call ut hickphonics.
Now, if'n ya learn ut, ya becum an aficial hickphone.

Heers yer furst lesson:

HEIDI - noun. Greeting.

HIRE YEW - Complete sentence.Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, hire yew?"

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts.

THANK - verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

ALL--noun. A Petroleum based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."

FARN - adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed....mus' be from some farn country."

DID - adjective. Not alive Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain' breathe....give 'im some ear!"

BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job wit that bob war fence cump'ny?"

HAZE - a contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah....haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."

SEED - verb, past tense of "to see".

VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City....view?"

GUMMIT - Noun. A bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys shore are ignert."