Scott Stoffel
Words: 232
[Humor]

Perspective is in the gender of the philosopher.

He-ism: I came; I saw; I fell asleep halfway through.

She-ism: I came; I saw; I decided to see if I could get a better price at the next store.

He-ism: I fart, therefore I am.

She-ism: He farts, therefore he’s gross.

He-ism: To be, or not to be. That is the question.

She-ism: Tonight, or not tonight. Not tonight is the answer.

He-ism: If a man farts in a deserted forest, is there really a sound?

She-ism: It wasn’t the sound that bothered me.

He-ism: The party isn’t over until the fat lady sings.

She-ism: Who are you calling fat, megabutt!

He-ism: Experience is the best teacher.

Sh-e-ism: Then why do you need so much tutoring?

He-ism: You can fool some of the people some of the time.

She-ism: But you don’t fool ME one little bit!

He-ism: If first you don’t succeed—-

She-ism: Try Zales.

He-ism: Love is the Eighth Wonder of the world.

She-ism: Like I said, try Zales.

He-ism: I have but one regret—-

She-ism: Me, too. And I’m still regretting it!

He-ism: It’s never easy to get where you want to go.

She-ism: Then why don’t you just stop and ask for directions?

He-ism: He who fights and runs away—

She-ism: Won’t get any for many a day.

He-ism: God made Man FIRST.

She-ism: If first you don’t succeed--

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Scott Stoffel is a deaf and legally blind safety engineer recently retired from the Federal Aviation Administration. Despite now having much more time arguing with his wife, she-isms continue to prevail over his he-isms.