I grew up in a mid-size town in Mexico. My siblings and I were taught to never do anything to "dishonor" the name of our family.

From a very early age I sensed I was not a boy who liked girls. My father was very involved in Mexican rodeo, and he expected me to ride a horse, rope, and deal with cattle. I quit when I was twelve. My dad never understood why.

Middle school was hard. I coped with bullies by being funny and making fun of others before they could make fun of me. I had a girlfriend for a year. It was all pretend but it helped ease the harassment. By high school I knew I was gay and wanted to live openly. But my religious upbringing, peer group, and family's reputation were all in the way of me coming out.

I started living a double life during college. Guilt became the main emotion I felt. I became very cold and distant with everyone in my family. To cover up my identity, I had a girlfriend for three years. After college I met the first openly gay men who were comfortable and happy. I fell in love with one of them and he helped me understand that I needed to have the courage to accept who I am and to stop hiding this from my family.

It took three more years for me to come out to my siblings. Those were the hardest conversations I have ever endured. My siblings urged me to not tell my parents, who they said would be upset and saddened. Unfortunately I followed their suggestion and my mom passed without me ever sharing this part of myself. Still, I am sure she knew the truth. I have never told my dad directly that I am gay. When we talk, he always asks me how I am doing and how John (my partner) is doing. That is his way of letting me know he knows.

I can sleep much better at night since I came out sixteen years ago. Since then, I have stopped worrying what others think about me. There is no guilt and I feel complete. I know I am happy.

J. C. Rivas

Adler, Ronald, and George Rodman. Understanding Human Communication. 11th. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2011. 84. Print.