I have no clue how or why but it feels like everything is going down hill really fast for some reason.. in a way I think it had to of started a few weeks ago when I started to think about all the crap some one told me they wold do if I finished high school then I started looking at the rest of my family n seen how much stuff they get to do compare to my family we dont do a damn thing n it kills me, we never go camping or on little road trips never go to the lake for the day or anything.. so its like blah.. it hurts to see everybody else get to have all this fun while we are tryin to work so we can pay the bills that we have or whatever..
then the other day one of my friends was over here n I have seen sin I have started talking to her again and shes been hanging out over her all the damn time I have seen that is bringing me down also.. I think the reason is because I dont see her as a true friend anymore.. because she has walked in and out of my life so many damn times I'm just waiting for her to walk out now, but when really I want her out of my life like right now because I cant take this crap anymore.. because she can come over act like the place is hers in a way and then not talk to nither my roommate or I and its like what the hell, if you are going to come over here you can talk to us I wld think... but whatever I guess..
n I'm sorry to say if she was a true friend to me like she says she is.. then she wld know when something is wrong n she doesnt not like she use to know.. she doesnt know me like she did before.. n I'm sorry to say I can still tell when something is wrong with her and thats kinda sad.. and the sad thing is i still know when her birthday is and she dont even remember mine.. whats up with that..
n sorry to say here comes a really sad part.. I just met my roommate in dec. and he can tell when something is wrong n half of the time I just tell him that nothings wrong because I dont want to talk about it n he even knows when my birthday is but I guess it doesnt help that mine is two days before his but still... that is kinda sad.. that we have only knew eachother for a few months and he can already tell when somethings wrong.. and whatever else..
then you get my so called best friend that I have known sin we were five.. n she can sit there n try to tell me that she knows who I am and all this other crap but when really she doesnt know who I am.. n she will never know who I am..
I will only let my true friends know the real me.. n thats it.. I dont care what anybody else says about it but I just cant take it anymore.. because once she came back in my life its gone down hill it was at the top n now its just about at the bottom or thats what it feels like.. because when im around her she really never talks and im sry but I have to be around people that talk Im use to being around my friends that talk all the time n make jokes all the time about stupid stuff that make peoples days.. but with her no... its like nothing...
so I just wish there was a way she wld be gone and out of my life again.... besides any other time she only came to me only if she needed sumthing.. then she wld leave again and never talk to me until she needed something again.. n look at that she is still around... bc of my roommate i think... but what can i say.... blah... in a way i just wish she wld of done what she did any other damn time... n leave me alone....
cuz i just cant deal with the shit anymore.... i can hardly deal with my shit anymore.. n im sure thats because I keep it to myself n i dont talk about it to anyone.. like i wld love to... n that cld be another reason why im going down hill n the fact that im always at home with no money on my days off.... i just wish i knew the things that I cld do to make myself feel better...
theres still that one thing i want but like I said thats never going to happen but whatever.. but i guess you never know though either but oh well... if one day it happens it happens but until then its all good.. haha
well out of this whole summer I hope I will get to go on some kind of trip.. who knows if I will get to because I have no money to go and who knows if I will get more hours at work or not, thats another thing thats bugging me I want to go on a trip so bad but no money so how in the world cld I go on a trip, maybe someday I will be able to go on a trip n have a blast.. n lets just hope someone goes with me or maybe someone will ask me to go with them on a trip that wld be cool to either way I want to go on a trip sometime.. soon.. because I'm hopen that wld make me feel better about everything then I cld get back to what I want to do or whatever.. n what not...
well I have no clue what else to write about right now plus I have 2g2 work here so ya... who knows maybe i will post something later.. sin im so lost anymore n have no clue what to do...