No... I can't beleave I let myself fall in love with him... it was not sup to happen... I was tryin so hard not to fall in love with him but no matter what it was it just ended up happening any ways why.. does this have to happen.. blah..
the sad thing is... the things he does really dont piss me off because I kinda knew from the start what he was like and as are friendship grew I just found more out about him.. n for some reason the shit doesnt bother me for some reason n yes I know that is sad to say, n I'm sure any other chick out there wld not like it but what can I say, he does what he does n theres nothing a person can do about it but get use to it and thats what I did, I have no clue why but whatever..  I also have no clue why it doesnt bother me when it shld...
but when Im around him all the time, I'm smiling on the inside thinking about all the fun times we have had together n all the crazy stupid shit that we have done together, n I'm sorry to say I dont think there is anybody out there like him that wld be willing to do crazy stupid shit like he... bc we have came up with some crazy shit to do, when we hang out n I dont know why but it makes my day
then theres times if we are hanging out or talking or whatever I think he can tell wen somethings wrong n he will ask, but I'm sry but most of the time I cant talk to him about the shit that is bugging me idk why but i just cant... then theres times that I can be in a pissy mood n dont want to do a damn thing n some how he can change that around... n ya it does piss me off at times but it makes my day, because I have never really had that before but then again.. but not like this..
some times i think to myself that i have to move out of town to get away from this because i dont know what to think about it anymore and with my feelings anymore or lately i shld say... is because thats when I have seen it.. is the last few weeks.. is that my feelings for him have got stronger and stronger.. n was talking to my sister about that n she was tryin to tell me to sit down n talk to him about it but Im sry theres just something about it that I can do that... for one.. I already know theres nothing that will never happen between us.. if not theres something telling me theres nothing that will never happen between us but that very well cld be wrong.. but then again there is something telling me oh you may have a chance.. but I'm sorry I have that big NO flashing in my head telling me that its not going to ...
besides I told myself I wasnt going to be the one to ask anybody out anymore because Im the one that trys n trys to make things work out n whatever else so if they want to be with me so damn bad they can ask me...
but damn... I just wish my feelings for him wld go away because I just dont know what to think anymore, bc it seems thats all I can think about n its bugging the piss out of me n eatting me up on the inside n I just want to run from it because I dont know what else to do about it but to run... or try to hang out with other ppl but it seems that doesnt really work the best sin they all live out of town n I dont have a car n i dont really talk to many ppl around town or I shld say I dont hang out with them... I talk to them wen I see them and it seems like we are ok friends then what we were when we were in high school but still
BLAH... I just wish I knew what to do... beside thinking about running away all the damn time.. and never coming back.. n the one thing that kills when i tell him that i want to jump in the razor n just drive n stop where ever the thing goes or where ever i plz.. hes like dont say that... bc then i wld want to go... n its like ya ok... then that wld suck... bc how wld i be gettin away from the mess of my feelings if he came with me.... blah.. idk...
well i have no clue what else I cld write about right now... that i just dont know what to think... n that I tried not letting this happen but I guess it happen any ways.. n now.. I just dont know what to think anymore.. just live day to day n see where life takes me I guess... haha.. but oh well I think I can handle it and whatever goes on... i have gone this far so im sure i can go ferther or whatever... but whatever idc anymore.. im done n im gonna try n try to stop myself from loven him but im sure that wont happen... but whatever... well im done with this crap... bc it will make me keep thinking... n what not...