Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the
> >>>>wedding, he laid down the following rules:
> >>>>
> >>>>"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time
> >>>>I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
> >>>>I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
> >>>>I tell you that I won't be home for dinner.
> >>>>I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
> >>>>when I want with my old buddies, and don't you
> >>>>give me a hard time about it.
> >>>>Those are my rules. Any comments?"
> >>>>
> >>>>His new bride said:
> >>>>"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
> >>>>here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."
> >>>>
> >>>>(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
> >>>>
> >>>>************************************************
> >>>>Marriage (Part II)
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
>wedding
> >>>>anniversary!
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> >>>>that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
> >>>>that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
> >>>>
> >>>>(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>*****************************************
> >>>>Marriage (Part III)
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
> >>>>table.
> >>>>
> >>>>Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
> >>>>good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>After some time he realizes he was nasty and
> >>>>decides to make amends and rings her up.
> >>>>
> >>>>She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
> >>>>says, "What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>She says, "I was in bed."
> >>>>
> >>>>"In bed this early, doing what?"
> >>>>
> >>>>"Getting a second opinion!"
> >>>>
> >>>>(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
> >>>>
> >>>>*****************************************
> >>>>Marriage (Part IV)
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
> >>>>
> >>>>He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
> >>>>wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go
> >>>>home
> >>>>and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He
>shouts
> >>>>at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
> >>>>shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
> >>>>
> >>>>*****************************************
> >>>>THE SILENT TREATMENT
> >>>>
> >>>>A man and his wife were having some problems at home
> >>>>and were giving each other the silent treatment.
> >>>>
> >>>>Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife
> >>>>to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
> >>>>
> >>>>Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
>wrote on
> >>>>a piece
> >>>>of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she
>would
> >>>>find it.
> >>>>
> >>>>The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
> >>>>was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him
>when
> >>>>he
> >>>>noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM.
> >>>>Wake up."
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.