Were Eating
Once there was a family who was given some venison by a friend. The wife cooked up the deer steaks, and served it to the husband and children. The husband thought it would be fun to have the children guess what it was that they were eating.

"Is is beef?" Their daughter Mandy asked.

"Nope."

"Is it pork?" the son AJ asked.

"Nope."

"Heck, we don't know, Dad!" AJ exclaimed.

"I'll give you a clue," the Dad said, "It's what your mom sometimes calls me."

"Spit it out, AJ!" cried Mandy, "We're eating Asshole!!"

And this one for Margie

A Police car pulled alongside a speeding car on the motorway.
Glancing at the car he was astonished to see that the blond? behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the cop rolled down his window and shouted "PULLOVER!".
The blonde rolled down her window and yelled back "NO, IT'S A SCARF!".