HOWARD. (Advancing to JIM) Please don’t’ go. I’m sorry. I got upset. It won’t happen again. I want you to stay.

JIM. (Nods warily) I guess I just need to use the bathroom.

HOWARD. (Pointing to the bathroom door.) It’s right there. My Dad and I put it in about twenty years ago. We did the plumbing together. I did all the cabinet work.

(JIM opens the door.)

JIM. Looks nice.

HOWARD. Thanks.

JIM. I’ll be out in a few minutes.

HOWARD. Take your time.

(JIM goes into the bathroom. HOWARD paces for a few seconds. Then he goes to the bookshelf and rummages through a stack of magazines. He pulls out an old Playboy. He moves with the magazine and sits on the bed. Browses the pages. Opens the centerfold and holds it high. He is interrupted by the toilet flushing. He folds up the centerfold, but keeps on browsing through the magazine. JIM enters.)

JIM. (moving to desk chair and sitting) What are you looking at?

HOWARD. (without looking up) Breasts.

JIM. Scuse me?

HOWARD. (again without looking up.) Breasts.

JIM. (shaking his head) Women's breasts?

HOWARD. (Looking at him as if he were stupid) Yes. This isn't The Farmer's Journal, it's Playboy.

JIM. And you just look at the breasts?

HOWARD.  (Stands up and moves to window with the magazine)It's an issue from the sixties. They didn't show anything else back then.

JIM. (Stands up and walks over to HOWARD) Howard, I don't…

HOWARD. I stole this issue from you.

JIM. What?

HOWARD. I stole this issue from you.

JIM. (Shaking his head) When?

HOWARD. Back in March of 1966.

JIM. Really?

HOWARD. Why would I make up a confession like that after thirty-three  years? We were thirteen years old, and we were hanging out in your bedroom. You suddenly got up and locked your bedroom door…

(Lights dim to 60 %. YOUNG HOWARD and YOUNG JIM enter through door. Both are wearing Catholic school uniforms of white, long-sleeved shirts, navy blue ties and navy blue pants. They are fifteen years old. YOUNG HOWARD enters first and flops down on the bed. YOUNG JIM enters and makes a big deal out of turning around and inspecting the hallway that they just walked down from the doorway.  As this scene progresses, the lights gradually come up to full. JIM and HOWARD watch the scene from the window, semi-frozen.)

YOUNG HOWARD. (On his back  throwing a baseball up the air and catching it like Beaver Cleaver.)So how did you do on that geography test today? It was a real pain, but I know I did well. Sister Margaret likes me.

YOUNG JIM.  (Still inspecting the hallway.) Of course you did well. You're Sister's pet.

YOUNG HOWARD. I am not.

(YOUNG JIM doesn't respond. He just slowly closes the door and locks it cautiously.)

YOUNG HOWARD.  Okay. Maybe I am. I don't mind. It pays. I never have to study for anything.

(YOUNG JIM pulls on the door handle to be sure that it is locked. Then he puts his ear to the door and listens. YOUNG HOWARD finally notices what YOUNG JIM is doing. He flops over on his stomach.)

YOUNG HOWARD. What the heck are you doing?

(YOUNG JIM puts a finger to his lips to silence YOUNG HOWARD. Then he almost tiptoes over to his bed. He lifts up a corner of the mattress and begins fishing around under the mattress with his hand.)

YOUNG HOWARD. Jim, what are you doing?

YOUNG JIM (Grimacing and gesturing with his hands to silence YOUNG HOWARD.) Will you be quiet for a minute? Do you want my parents to hear?

YOUNG HOWARD. (Sitting up on the edge of the bed closest to YOUNG JIM.) Hear what?

(YOUNG JIM finally finds what he is looking for and slowly pulls out a magazine. He tenderly places it on the bed. YOUNG HOWARD moves closer to him.)

YOUNG HOWARD. What's that?  (He sees the name of the magazine. His mouth drops open.) A PLAYBOY!

YOUNG JIM. (Reacting to YOUNG HOWARD's loud voice.)  Shhhhh! For crying out loud! Do you want a megaphone or something? My parents are home!

YOUNG HOWARD. (voce sotto) Where did you get it?

YOUNG JIM. My Uncle Bill keeps them up in his attic in a box. I found it there last week when I was helping Aunt Trudy clean house.

YOUNG HOWARD. So how did you get it out of there?

YOUNG JIM. I shoved it down the front of my pants when I left.

YOUG HOWARD. (Speaking loudly again.)  You shoved it down your pants!

YOUNG JIM. (Reacting again to YOUNG HOWARD's loudness) Shhhh! For crying out loud! Why don't you just hire a sky writer and be done with it? You holler one more time, and I won't let you look at it! (He starts to put the magazine back into the drawer. YOUNG HOWARD grabs his arm.)

YOUNG HOWARD. (voce sotto) Okay! Okay! Okay! I promise! I'll be quiet! I promise!

YOUNG JIM. Well. all right then. But you better stay quiet.

(Young Jim puts the magazine down on the bed and begins flipping the pages. Every once in a while, he or YOUNG HOWARD will let out an exclamation. Sometimes they do it together. After about a minute of this, YOUNG HOWARD gets really excited.)

YOUNG HOWARD. (As YOUNG JIM flips a page in the magazine.) Holy Mackerel! Who is she?

YOUNG JIM. (Peering closely at the magazine) The caption says her name is …Carol Stenson.

(YOUNG JIM goes to flip to the next page. YOUNG HOWARD grabs his arm.)

YOUNG HOWARD. Jim! I want her!

YOUNG JIM. Oh yeah. Like you'd have a chance with her.

YOUNG HOWARD. (Almost sweating) I mean I want that picture!

YOUNG JIM. Howard!  She's not even that pretty! Look at her face!

YOUNG HOWARD. Who's looking at her face? Jim! I need that picture!

YOUNG JIM. Knock it off.

YOUNG HOWARD. I can cut it out with a pair of scissors nice and neat.

YOUNG JIM. No.

YOUNG HOWARD. Come on! You've got a whole magazine full of pictures! I just want one!

YOUNG JIM. No! I don't want you cutting up my magazine.

YOUNG HOWARD. It's not yours. It's your uncle's. You stole it.

YOUNG JIM. It's mine now.

(YOUNG HOWARD tries to rip the magazine away from YOUNG JIM, but YOUNG JIM runs with it to the far side of the bed. YOUNG HOWARD runs after him. YOUNG JIM keeps the bed between YOUNG HOWARD and himself.)

YOUNG HOWARD. Come on, Jim. Don't be so darned selfish!

YOUNG JIM. I don't want you wrecking my magazine!

YOUNG HOWARD. I'm not wrecking it! I just want a picture out of it!

YOUNG JIM. You're not touching it!

YOUNG HOWARD. Some friend you are!

YOUNG JIM. I'm a great friend. I let you look at it, didn't I? I didn't have to do that.

(After another run around the bed. YOUNG HOWARD gives up and plops down on the side of the bed nearest the door.)

YOUNG HOWARD. Okay. You win. Be greedy if that's what you want.

YOUNG JIM. (Holding the magazine to his chest) That's what I want.

YOUNG HOWARD. Fine.

YOUNG JIM. Fine then.

YOUNG HOWARD. You know. You're going to go to Hell.

YOUNG JIM. What?

YOUNG HOWARD. You know you are. You've got that dirty magazine right here in your bedroom.

YOUNG JIM. So what?

YOUNG HOWARD. So. You don't think that God knows about it? You're going to Hell.

YOUNG JIM. Shut up.

YOUNG HOWARD. And not only that, but you stole.

YOUNG JIM. I'll confess it Then I'll be forgiven.

YOUNG HOWARD.  You'll have to do a penance.

YOUNG JIM. So? What's the worst that Father Donnelly can give me? Ten Hail Mary's?

YOUNG HOWARD. I don't know. Impure pictures. Impure thoughts. Impure actions AND stealing!

(YOUNG HOWARD  pauses for a moment, then he smiles as he is struck by a thought.)

YOUNG HOWARD. He may make you tell you tell your parents AND your Uncle Bill!

(YOUNG JIM is obviously rattled by this, but he maintains his cool.)

YOUNG JIM.  Yeah? Well then, I'll just wait for them all to die before I confess it.

YOUNG HOWARD. But what if you die first? Then you'll go to Hell because you died with mortal sins on your soul!

YOUNG JIM. I chance it.

(Suddenly, YOUNG HOWARD rolls over the bed and ends up on YOUNG JIM's side. YOUNG JIM shouts and runs out the door into the hallway with YOUNG HOWARD right behind. We then hear an older woman's voice offstage.)

WOMAN'S VOICE, Jimmy. What are you and Howard doing?

YOUNG JIM. Uh. Nothing mom.

WOMAN'S VOICE. What's that in your hands?

YOUNG JIM. The latest issue of Popular Mechanics.  We were just looking at it in my room.

WOMAN'S VOICE. Well, if you want to read, you can do it in the house. But if you're going to continue rough-housing, you'll have to go outside. You'll crack the plaster.

YOUNG JIM. Yes mom.

YOUNG HOWARD. Sorry Mrs. Sawczuk!

(Both boys come flying back into the room. YOUNG JIM quickly shuts the door. YOUNG HOWARD sits on the edge of the bed. YOUNG JIM leans up against the door.)

YOUNG HOWARD. Man! That was a close one!

YOUNG JIM. You can say that again.

(Young Jim heads over to the bed, picks up the mattress and slides the magazine back under it.)

YOUNG HOWARD. What are you doing?

YOUNG JIM. I'm putting this stupid thing away. I 'm too nervous to enjoy it right now. (He smoothes the bedspread and the ruffle.) Let's go out and shoot some baskets.

YOUNG HOWARD. (crestfallen) But….Oh, all right!

(Both boys leave through the door. As the boys leave, JIM and HOWARD begin moving again.)

JIM. (Walking downstage to the middle of the bed.)I had forgotten all about that! How do you remember those things?

HOWARD. (Still flipping through the magazine.) I don’t know. How do you forget them?

JIM. My life is busy.

HOWARD. So is mine.

JIM. Let’s not go there again.

HOWARD. Your choice.

JIM. (Chuckling) Boy you sure were smitten by that girl in the magazine.

HOWARD. Carol Stenson.

JIM. Yeah

HOWARD. 38-23-36

JIM. She had a beak like a bird.

HOWARD. No she didn’t.

JIM. HOWARD. She was homely!

HOWARD. (Holding the magazine out for JIM to see.) You really think that she’s homely?

JIM. (Looking at the magazine.) Well. (Shrugs.) She’s not as bad as I remembered.

HOWARD. If you ask me, she’s held up pretty darned good over the years.

(They both laugh. Off-stage, a clock chimes seven times.)

JIM. (Suddenly looking at his watch.)  Seven o’clock. I’ve got to go. Have to pick up my daughter at dance lessons.

HOWARD. How convenient.

JIM. What’s that supposed to mean.

HOWARD. When my mother talks to someone on the telephone that she doesn’t particularly like, she sets the timer on the stove for two minutes. When it buzzes, she informs the other party that something cooking or baking in the oven needs attention. That’s how she gets off the phone.

JIM. Do you think that I want to get away from you?

HOWARD.  I don’t know.

JIM. Well, I don’t.

HOWARD. (Shrugs.) Fine.

JIM. Can I stop over again tomorrow?

HOWARD. (Nonchalantly) If you’d like.

JIM. Okay. I will.

HOWARD. What time?

JIM. Does it make a difference?

HOWARD. Well, I might be in the shower.

JIM. Same time?

HOWARD. Make it earlier.

JIM. Around five?

HOWARD. Okay.

JIM. Great.

HOWARD. Will there be anything in the oven tomorrow?

JIM (Ignoring the last comment.) It was good to see you Howard.

(JIM heads out and shuts the door behind him. HOWARD stares at the door for a minute. Then goes to the bed and sits. He assumes the same position that he was in when the scene started. After a few seconds, we here a car door close from outside the window. HOWARD stands up immediately and runs to the window. He looks down and shouts.)

HOWARD. (shouting) Jim!  Make it five o’clock sharp!

(BLACKOUT)