Two thousand, two hundred dollars. That’s what it cost me to stop having to cup my hand around my ear, lean forward, and embarrass myself by saying, “Huh?” every time somebody speaks to me in a noisy room.

Two thousand, two hundred dollars. That’s the price that I paid for my new Starkey, top-of-the-line hearing aid…and, after having the thing stuck in my ear for over two weeks now, I can unequivocally state that the machine is worth every single cent of the cost.

The little device fits snuggly into my ear canal. It just slides into place, and is virtually invisible to the outside world.

The thing is custom-made for my ear. When I finally swallowed my pride, admitted that I was getting older, and decided to get the hearing device, the first step was to get an impression of my right ear canal. I had a wax impression of the canal made in my audiologist’s office. (Yes, I have an audiologist. One sure sign of aging in this modern society of ours is the accumulation of a personal battery of medical specialists.) This is done by having warm wax poured into your ear, letting it harden, and then gently removing it.  The little blob of wax is then sent off to the hearing aid manufacturer, in my case, Starkey, and they create the device to the exact size and configurations of the blob.

There are all different types of hearing aids for different hearing losses and personal preferences. I opted for the top of the line model that fits into the ear canal itself and not the ones that fit over and behind the ear.

Insurance does not cover these things. Not one red cent. Nada.

However, they do come with a lifetime, full replacement guarantee. No matter what happens to the hearing aid, if you lose it, run over it with your car, or it just inexplicably stops working, the manufacturer replaces or repairs it, free of charge…forever.

Good thing, too. The first day that I had it, I took it out of my ear while I was in the bathroom. I sat down on the edge of the bathtub, facing the toilet, while I admired the device. Then, I dropped it. The hearing aid fell out of my hands and bounced off the lip of the bathtub. I helplessly watched as the thing looped through the air and landed squarely and soundly in the open bowl of the toilet. I heard the little, wet “blip” as it broke the surface of the water and sunk like a stone to the bottom of the basin.

Amazing! I mean freaking Michael Jordan couldn’t have made this shot!

I immediately dropped down to my knees, fished the little thing out of the toilet, dried it off with my shirt, and shoved it into my ear. Dead as hell.

It was then that I looked up and found my wife in the doorway, shaking her head in disbelief. All she said was, “I don’t freaking believe it.” And then she walked away.

I hadn’t had the aid for five hours!!!!

The next day, it was returned to the audiologist. “Had a bad first day, huh, Jim?” he said with a smile.

Seven days later, I had new, working, wonderful device in my ear.

I’ve been very careful with it ever since!

I will be going back to the audiologist three or four times within the next sixty days to have him tweak the settings of the device to suit my preferences. He does this by simply attaching a wire from his computer to the device while it is still in my ear. Then, on his computer screen, we can both watch the real-time sound-level chart that is produced as I actually hear sounds. He also shows me the levels I would be hearing without the mechanical enhancement. Astounding! (These subsequent visits to his office are also covered by the initial cost of the hearing aid.)

At the end of sixty days, if I’m not satisfied, I can return the unit and get fully reimbursed. Not bad, huh?

The hearing aid itself is incredible. I sit in noisy restaurants now, and I hear every conversation around the table. If I have difficulty hearing, I simply turn up the volume. (The volume is controlled by punching certain keys on my cell phone.) I can hear buzzes and other noises that I haven’t heard for years. I can walk outside and actually hear the birds singing in the trees.  I can hear my wife talking to me as we ride along in the car.

Lightweight, invisible, comfortable, and it does everything that the doctor said it would do. The sound is almost true because the volume and tone can be readily adjusted. The batteries, which cost a little more than a buck, last about five to six days.

Maintenance is a piece of cake. I just have to replace the tiny ear wax guard (a little, disposable piece of plastic) when it gets clogged, and every night when I take the thing out of my ear, I wipe it off with a soft, dry cloth. That’s it.

The hardest part of wearing the device is to remember to take it out when I take a shower. The thing is so comfortable that I forget I’m wearing it.

One word of warning, however; dogs love these things! I guess what happens is the thing is covered with your scent, and, if you leave it out where Fido can get his paws on it, he’ll eat it! So, put it in the little closable box that the manufacturer provides to you, “free of charge” , as my audiologist jokingly says. Free of charge, for a small handling fee of $2200.

No. I am not a salesperson for Starkey hearing aids. I get no commissions from them for promoting their products. What I AM is a very pleased customer!

I can hear again, and it’s a wonderful thing!