At times i feel like i need to be a certain way on blogster with my posts.I have come to depend on blogster in a way.Since I've been in MS.It is almost no it is the only friend i have.I respect many on here.I don't want to lose the few that comment and give me advice.But--here lately there are times i really need to vent,get off my chest and it might offend some.So i haven't i have stopped journal-ling and i used to write all the time and it helped me immensely.Like someone said they finally had to blog about the negative,bad things to get them off there chest.I need to do that.

    I have been battling depression since 96 when my grandmother was killed in wreck and month later grandfather died from cancer.I didn't deal with it well at all.I went wild to say the least.I have been on a antidepressant and quit when i found out i was pregnant.Well my husband coming back from Iraq,moving away from my home,a new baby to think about it is all building up.I try my hardest to be positive but i have these waves of sheer doom and gloom.Seriously everything seems totally pointless,helpless,going absolutely nowhere to me.Then i feel intense guilt.I have no idea what is going on with me.I've been fine more than fine lately.Today i got on the couch to take a cat nap and got up just crying my eyes out feeling totally useless,with no goals kinda feeling trapped.This is the best way i know how to explain my feelings of gloom.

   I don't know if any of you have or do suffer from depression but it is slowly killing me inside.I am not the same happy person i used to be just 6 months ago with dreams of the future,and didn't have to make myself smile i just did.I don't understand why this is happening now.I told the Dr and he put me back on my antidepressant.He said it wouldn't hurt the baby.I need it to desperately start to work.I mean i have a great husband,great son,baby on the way,nice house I just want to appreciate it more.Is that where the guilt comes in?Well now that i totally sound like a fruit loop i guess I'll go finish crying.I can't stop.I do stop in front of my son.I try to be a pillar of strength to him and Alan and inside i am crumbling.Do you know anyone that has ever felt these things?If you do can you advise?Til later.Angie