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Today~
Today~
It seems like things in my situation will be moving rapidly.I think.Al's situation is that they are going to put him on medical leave but he has to do his evaluation in GA.So i might have this baby alone.That would totally suck.They can keep him for up to 6mths.I really hate the military today at least.So we are going to a house in TN that needs a bathroom,stove,fridge,walls.We tore down the walls when we were there last.So i guess we will have to stay with my mom.She is excited but I'm not.Just for the reason of space its a one bedroom cabin.Well it has an upstairs loft.That's it.4 people and my 4 cats in a loft.And possibly a baby.You never know it may come early.Chan did by a week.So i don't know where we will all fit.Til we can get 2 windows and walls put up in our house.I admit i can handle just about anything since the Iraq ordeal but I'm so over it.I want to be home in my house and Alan there with me waiting on the baby.Not in Georgia for months.We still don't know about his redeployment.I try not to think about that right now.Things just keep happening.My mom is sick and she wants to come live with us when we get the house together.I'm so used to being alone sometimes its hard to get used to Alan being around.Odd huh.I know.Then there is the worrying about her.All that comes with that.Like -where will she put all her stuff(storage)where is the baby going to sleep.We only have 3 bedrooms.Will we get on each others nerves,will we all be able to get along again?Getting my self on a schedule with the baby and routine with the family ,just getting used to a new addition is going to be hard at first (eating schedule ,chans school schedule,sleeping,supper it all has to be worked out)But then if you figure another person into this and how we are all going to get in our roles.It is making my head hurt.I need adjustment time.All these questions.Whew.I don't know.I just know I'm trying to deal with one thing at time but that's not happening its coming in 2's and 3 things at once.I was getting excited about everything now i'm not.Everything seems like a burden right now to me.My state of mind is reallly low.Lowest i've been in awhile.I hate that.I wanted my last 10 wks to be happy happy holidays.I stare at all that is before me and it all seems too much.I don't feel like blogging,talking,laughing,smiling just crying.Its pathetic.I just wish i had some control of my life and i don't right now.I don't know when i'll have it again.It just feels like it is in the hands of the military,and family right now.(feels like no it is in there hands)I've even lost the one thing that was making me happy _ going home.Now i just don't care.With the things we face at home i just don't want to go anymore.Maybe things will change(again)
posted on Dec 7, 2007 10:53 AM ()
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