I'm back for at least another month.Have to be back in tn on 25th next mth.Gas prices the long long trip.With only time to think of what is and what is to come..How your going to live your life be it the same,or different.I just don't know what i expected.I just feel so very down.I miss mom and the mtns but as far as anything else I don't miss it.Don't get me wrong i am glad i'm with al.I'm glad that chan is with his father.Something i didn't have growing up/so therefore it is very important to me.

I do realize as i sit here thinking that i am so uncertain about anything.I just can't stand it and it literally is driving me crazy.I don't know if al understands that.He just thinks i'm depressed and will get over it but I'm fairly certain that i will not feel better until i feel Secure....Right this moment I do not ..Am I crazy for feeling this way? I don't know if i'm happy or sad that i have figured out what the crying wanting to sleep all the time the weight gain.The total disregard for my looks. I just don't know anything any more...Just that I Do Not Know where my life is headed????