As you know (or didn't)I started this blog when my husband was getting ready to deploy for 18 mths to Iraq.So I can only speak of me and my family and those around us.

   It may be your friend,son,husband,wife,boyfriend etc that is about to embark on this life changing experience.It is so hard.It was the hardest thing i have ever or will ever do.I believe.There is a flood of emotions disbelief,deep sadness,anger,worry,realization.Oh how it changes you and the one being deployed.My husband truly was in a state of shock and disbelief until the bus ride to the airport where the next stop would be Kuwait.I can still hear the fear in his voice.I just wanted to hold him and tell him it will be OK.A much needed lie for us both.

  It is hard to live each day in fear of the phone ringing.You want to talk to them desperately but yet you don't want that death ring or knock at the door.I guess you could live and some have like your loved one is on vacation.Denial is a bad thing.I think.Faith was a big thing for me.Without it i just don't know what i would have done.

  Even though my husband has been back now since Christmas we still struggle with what the war has done to us.He has nightmares.I'm here for him but it is hard.We struggle with our places.By that i mean for all this time i had to work out  a system of bill paying,caring for Chan,just being basically a single parent dealing without a spouse to him doing everything again and me just being the wife.Is hard.

  In the first few months i would go to the store and be gone to long and he would worry.Just little things like that.Loud sounds startle him.Big crowds in a restaurant used to bother him he was constantly looking around scanning the crowd.I could see the worry on his face.I wish i could take it all away.Yet i can't.Time i hope for the most part will.

  These soldiers are brave.But the fact is this war  is hard on them.A few of his friends just couldn't coup with the domestic life back here.They took there lives.I still have to remind myself to watch my anger at him because he will do or act in a way that gets to me.He has his reasons.I will never really know what he saw or had to do over there.I probably do not want to know.We still take it day to day.I get on here and fuss about him.I forget sometimes where he has been.I need a reminder from time to time.(a reality check)To stop bitchin that at least he is alive,and with me....

  If you have one that is about to deploy------keep sending packages of love, and lots of baby wipes:))It is hard but rockon you can do it your a strong woman.I'm here for you....Love Angie