Self-realization dawned on me at the age of 8.
It was a wondrous and frightening time of my life.
Realizing that I had a beginning came with it a knowing of my end – the cycle of life.
It was an enormous concept and reality for my young mind to wrap around.
Many nights I lay awake, sweating and trembling thinking about my demise.
How would it happen? When would it happen?
One morning my Mother saw the black bags under my eyes and she asked me how I was. I told her that I had been having nightmares and couldn’t sleep well – that was all I said. She shrugged it off and assured me that it would soon pass.
This feeling of impending doom was becoming too much for me. Normally a happy, active sunny girl, I had become sullen and withdrawn.
Finally, one night, the anxiety became too much for me and I flew down the stairs from my bedroom crying.
My Father met me at the bottom of the landing with open arms.
He calmed me down enough that I was able to blurt out all my fears.
He was a quiet man of few words as I remember, but when he spoke, we all listened.
He gently told me that he understood. That statement alone allowed me to take a deep breath and listen to what he further said.
“We aren’t meant to know when the end will come” he said. “We don’t know where we came from but I believe that is where we will return to when we close our eyes here for the last time.”
His words were as simple as he could make them for a trembling 8 year old girl.
What I took from his words pacified me then and I still hear them in my mind today.
Now, at this wonderful stage of my life, I accept each day that comes as a gift.
And there you have it.
The end of the world as you know it will happen when you close your eyes here for the last time.
In the meantime, I want to keep my eyes open, take life in, relish it and give thanks for this wonderful experience.