Recovering Thinker

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone - "to relax," I told myself - but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read writings of Plato, Saint Augustine of Hippo, Jesus Christ, and Aristotle. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey, " I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for Clinton's latest book "Family Morals in America". Listening to a PBS station on the radio, I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. Later, I realized that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Jerry Spinger" talking about the song "I'm bad" by Michael Jacks. Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. Life just seemed .. more bland .. without purpose or meaning, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking, and avoided thoughts about the meaning of life and my future. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home and the office. Now I stare for hours at the T.V. and receive my daily dose of brainwashing instead of contemplating the mysteries of life.

Have you joined Thinker's Anonymous yet?
https://www.onlyfunnystories.com/recovering_thinker.asp
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Good Thinking:

Declaration of Independence

WE HOLD THESE TRUTHS TO BE SELF EVIDENT, THAT ALL PEOPLE ARE CREATED EQUAL, THAT THEY ARE ENDOWED WHEN CREATED WITH CERTAIN UNALIENABLE RIGHTS, THAT AMONG THESE ARE LIFE, LIBERTY AND ... THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS.

THE HUMAN REVOLUTION

People of Earth have been through three eras. In the first era, people worked with their HANDS and SIMPLE TOOLS to provide for their basic needs.

Then came the era of the growth of machines. The Industrial Revolution in which people put away their simple tools and used machines. Then they could produce much more with their hands.

The 20th century saw the Technological and Educational Revolution with its advancements in technology and the education of the masses. The revolution that gave us the capability of providing for the basic needs of every one on Earth.

Now we are going into the 21st century armed with superior technology and intelligence. It will be the beginning of people's greatest era ... THE HUMAN REVOLUTION. AN ERA IN WHICH PEOPLE'S VERY BASIC HUMAN RIGHT, THE LAST UNALIENABLE RIGHT IS NOT ONLY SOUGHT, THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS, BUT IS SECURED, THE RIGHT TO A HAPPY LIFE.

There is one thing that will stand in the way of the era of the Human Revolution ... Stinking Thinking. People who think it cannot happen or think why bother to try, and people who don't care if it happens or not because they only think about their own happiness ... Stinking Thinking!

Stinking Thinking Anonymous, as the name implies, is the group to help people stop their Stinking Thinking, and STA has formulated "The Plan" that people can put their HANDS on and use as the SIMPLE TOOL to "jump start" the Human Revolution.

That is Stinking Thinking Anonymous.
This is a real group of folks...

https://stinkingthinking.org/index.htm