HOW TO INSTALL A TEXAS HOME SECURITY SYSTEM IN YOUR HOME:


1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of used men's work boots, size 14-16.
2. Put them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
3. Place a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magaz ine.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:

Hey Buck,
Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls--they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

Cooter