Laughing It Off
RÉSUMÉ BLOOPERS

Just how bad a mistake can you make on your résumé?
Here are some real-life examples:
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
"Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business"
"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
"Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs ... Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemanil."
"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."