I posted a long list of one liners already hope there are no repeats, if so please excuse and chuckle anyway.



This guy goes skydiving for the first time. After he jumps out of the
plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, and nothing happens. Only
a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute, but
unfortunately, the chute still does not appear. As he is plummeting
toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to
her "Do you know anything about parachutes?" "No", she says, "do you
know anything about gas stoves?"



He who places head in sand, will get kicked in the end!

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

I bet you I could stop gambling.

I couldn't care less about apathy.

Energizer Bunny Arrested! Charged with battery.

I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

I tried to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're all right now.

If evolution is outlawed, only outlaws will evolve.