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The Family Annual Review : It Worked For Us
By deniseD
https://www.home-is-fun.com/index.php?post/2009/01/The-Family-Annual-Review-%3A-It-Worked-For-Us
The Annual Review always surprises
me…pleasantly. Yes! My kids DO notice and value many of the mundane
efforts I feel get taken for granted. And my children give me such wise
advice…the stuff I am telling them to do! It’s humbling yet encouraging.
Obviously they see the benefit of these principles if they’re teaching
it to me. Read our family's "Best Of's"...unless you can't wait to
discover the Family Annual Review
“Best of” Recollections
- "Mom, I like our family outings." I almost fell off my chair. The kids are SO difficult to motivate for a
visit…yet once we’re out, we do have fun. This feedback gave me the
energy boost to try again. Check out our family outing organization tips (inspired by the three wise men).
- "Keep praying for us when we go to bed.” It’s part of our
bedtime routine. During our pre-prayer prep, I recognize what a child
has done well and address some sensitive issues. This encouragement and
discipline conducted in a calm and loving setting smoothes out many of
the day’s rough moments. (Read My Best New Behavioral Habit.) My prayers reflect our discussion. “Lord, thank you for my son’s ability to guard his tongue when he was provoked.
- "Thanks for making our friends feel welcome at home.” “Darling, it’s a pleasure.” My kids friends teach me about my children and about their world. It’s win-win. Click to discover our kids through their friends..
- “You’re OK when you admit your mistakes.”
"Best of” Lessons for Parents
- "When you get angry, go to your room to calm down.”
- "Be specific about what we did wrong and what you want us to do.”
- "Stop thinking the big guys are always wrong when there’s a fight with the two little boys.”
- "Give me more allowance for my social life.”
"Best of” Tips
- Ask the questions so that the kids see the benefit.
“What do I do well that YOU want me to continue doing?” I want the
affirmation; they want the perpetuated benefit. It’s a win-win answer.
- Let the kids know you’ll listen to them. The first
year, the boys “evaluated” me and I "only" listened. The second year I
had "earned the confience" to give feedback too.
- Record the responses. I missed writing them down
immediately and only one week later had to ask the kids to remind me of
their responses! How can they take my jobs for them seriously when I
forget the ones they gave me?
- Include young kids. Our 7 year old (3rd child of 4) requested to participate the first year. The following
year, we invited the 6 year old to join in. He asked me to stop making
lemon cakes. What a thrill to know that I could please him so easily!
Even now, when I bake cakes for him, I present them saying, “No
lemons!”It’s our code language to assure him I listen.
- Keep it simple. One year we included four items:
1. what we do well , 2. something new we should do, 3. something we
should change, and 4. something we should stop. The answers were
insightful, but the pleasure in following through was diminished. It
seemed like a “To Do List To Be Perfect.” We’re not seeking perfection
but more love. We’ve returned to the basic questions (n°1 & 3).
- Welcome enthusiasm or ambivalence from your spouse. My husband observes us. That’s fine. I love him the way he is…and thank him for loving me the way I am. Just do it!
