There is a new reality show - Toddlers and Tiaras about the beauty contests for small children on The Learning Channel (TLC) and it is like watching a train wreck in the making - you can see where some of these children are going to be scarred for life. Most notable was a family of 5 children, two of them fraternal twins, who all compete. The mother, who needs some parenting classes, tells us that Brianne 'looks like mommy, and she's the prettiest of the two and such a wonderful stage personality.' But Ashley 'well, her nose is bigger, and she's real skinny... no personality, she's, well, she's just plain old Ashley.'

So then little Brianne, who is obviously a spoiled brat, says how much she likes competing because she wins. And little Ashley says how much she doesn't like competing against her sister because she doesn't win very often. They were at home showing off the trophies and tiaras they've won and the winner insisted on wearing the other one's crown just because she knew the mother wouldn't do anything about it, and the ugly duckling was saying things like 'could she take it off now, please? please?'

Fortunately the dad is in charge of discipline so when they are finally at the competition and Mommy's favorite Brianne is acting like a little horse's ass snot, he says she's not fit to compete and hauls her out of there. Well, of course Mommy is mad about that, because now all she has is plain old dumb Ashley in the contest so they won't be going home with any trophies today.

They ended up with Brianne winning second runner up and Ashley winning third runner up in their age group. Of course Brianne isn't there to hear herself win, she's out in the parking lot pitching a fit, so that meant more to Ashley because she was there to be on stage and receive her trophy.

But little Ashley ends up also winning the director's trophy because the pageant director took pity on her and wanted to encourage her. Mommy looks shocked speechless and has something to say about how surprised she is that Ashley won anything since she's such a nothing.

A few years from now we can watch that Intervention program about the drug addicts and there will be little Ashley working as a street walker to support her crack and heroin habit and talking about how she never had any self-esteem. And there will be Mommy saying she doesn't understand what is wrong with Ashley because they gave her a good childhood.

The best part was the very end with just the two little girls. Brianne says 'I woned.' 'No,' says Ashley 'you weren't there. I woned. And I woned more than one thing. I woned a big trophy.'